I wrote a post that I titled â€œA Peaceful Deathâ€ in April 2009. I came to this website because I was hoping to find like minded individuals that were also interested in the idea of using or creating an assisted suicide service. I developed a habit of coming to this site once or twice a week despite the fact that I didnâ€™t find the kind of people that I was looking for. I have no desire to read about peopleâ€™s problems or suicidal thoughts, but that hasnâ€™t stopped me from spending 5 to 10 minutes on this site every week. Maybe I am just a glutton for punishment. Or maybe I am just a lonely pathetic loser in the game of life that is desperate to communicate with people that can help me achieve my goal to experience a peaceful death.
This world is not for people like me. We are living in a culture of misery that has been designed by high ranking members (alpha males / females) in our social hierarchy. A lack of coping mechanisms has turned me into the antithesis of an alpha male. There is no compassion for people like me in this world. People like me are forced to suffer with no real hope of relief. I am living in a society that is so cruel that I donâ€™t even have the option of paying for a peaceful death. Forget about all of the other goals and desires that a person may have. Experiencing a peaceful death should be one of the easiest things for a person to achieve in a civilized society. There are a lot of people that seem to have a problem with the idea of assisted suicide services. Most of these anti-suicide / pro-life individuals are not necessarily doing anything to make this world a better place. They just believe that people should be forced to live and suffer because of their ethical or religious beliefs.
I suppose this message is my last attempt to communicate with someone that can help me. My life has gotten worse since my first post on this website. It feels like the universe is forcing me to give up on my goal to experience a peaceful death. I am beginning to think about other things like suicide by cop or jumping in front of a train. I probably would have killed myself a long time ago if I had the option of using an improved version of the Dignitas suicide service in the United States or Canada. The service that Dignitas provides is horrible when you consider the high price. The â‚¬4000 – â‚¬5000 that I would have to pay does not buy me the death experience that I want. I started making plans to kills myself approximately six months ago. I decided to use an intravenous injection of Pentobarbital. Unfortunately the drug is very difficult to obtain. I made plans to get it from a veterinarian but it didnâ€™t work out. Iâ€™m too pathetic to accomplish any important goal that I have in my life.