I recently cut myself after not cutting for at least 6 months. The trigger was so stupid, but it made me feel like the only way I could stop feeling like I was aquaplaning was to cut and I hadn’t felt like that for a long time. I took care of everything all ok, I mean I put antiseptic cream on it and then got it checked out by the school nurse when I thought it might be infected (it wasn’t). Eventually I told my mum after days of hiding it and it wasn’t a problem really, it just made her sad that I’d been so alone. It scared me to think that I could fall back in to the cycle of which I haven’t, but instead I now find myself fighting the need to cut again. I have fallen is what I’m trying to say, because even though I haven’t cut again after the intial cut I feel so bad again that I need to.
This week has been particularly awful, as I’ve had to confront the issue of my sexuality, which I hate and so my anxiety levels are through the roof. Also I’m not eating properly and making myself sick after eating anything. I just feel a bit better whith an empty stomach at the moment. I know it’s bad for me, but I feel like I need to either not eat or just keep making myself sick. I don’t think I’m becoming bulimic or anything like that, because I’m obese and nobody would take me seriously if I told them what I’ve been doing. I don’t think it’s even possible for me to develop an eating disorder as I’m so overweight. I suppose I’m just a bit worried about it all the same though as I have made myself sick on several occasions in the past though when the anxiety has been at it’s worst, but it’s never been a regular habit like it has recently.
I’m really struggling to get help at the moment and in the right places too, because talking about my sexuality only makes my anxiety worse. It doesn’t help either that the teacher I usually go to for help at school with my mental health problems is the person I think I’ve fallen in love with which really hurts. Part of me is thinking “what’s the use, who really gives a shit?” as I write this and it’s all come out wrong and disjointed anyway and I sound so stupid, but if anyone’s got any suggestions for me then I’d appreciate it. Please don’t ask me why I hate my sexuality, because I don’t know, but it’s not going anywhere.
9 comments
Do you have any idea how easy it is to lose weight on a vegan diet? If you just eat as many vegetables, fruit, nuts and seeds as you want, you’ll have a new body in no time. It’s the meat, dairy, eggs, sugar and processed food that makes us fat. Look up McDougall diet for specifics if you want but I’ve been doing it for a year and it worked for me. I know a guy who was 400 lbs and was scheduled for stomach surgery but tried a (raw) vegan diet first and he now weighs 185. His name is Philip McCluskey and he’s on YouTube. Maybe obesity is the source of your pain that makes you cut. I’m not a ‘dead wannabe’ anymore but I can’t change my user name.
well for the cutting i have stoped it i used to be a cutter as well and well i dont like my weight and well i feel like i have to louse my weight for my sisters dume wedding. so about the self harm i posted i know what to do because the night before i posted i dont know what to do. and they are about my self harm so i would say draw anything like red lines on yourskin or on a pice of paper or go for a walk or wright what you are feeling
Obesity contributes to my pain along with just general low self-esteem, but the main source of my pain is that I think I might be gay and in love with my teacher and I can’t cope with it. Also I’ve tried the things suggested to stop cutting, but I still feel the need to, so I guess I’ll just try and keep fighting it to get from one day to the next and probably only eat fruit and veg from now on (I don’t like nuts and seeds.) Thanks anyway though.
Being in love with your teacher indeed sucks, but you know there is nothing wrong with being gay, right? If you’ll deal with it, it can be beautiful. And about obesity…I have a clinical depression, and many things that suck in my life, and yet I managed to lose 66 pounds in less than half a year. TWICE, because I had break-down during the first one. All I needed was someone I was doing it for, whom I love or I am very close to, who I want to impress. Even though I woke up with the horror of facing another day, I was going to the gym to be slaughtered by a personal trainer of mine. And I did it. They are gonna use me now as their promotional tool in some fitness newspaper or something 😉 I can’t tell you that it got better in the long run, because here I am again on this stupid fucking site, but it made my life a lot easier, and enabled me to accomplish many things that I wouldn’t have otherwise. And it made me feel much better, for a time. If you have money, get yourself a personal trainer. He will fix your diet (no need for some fruit and ved) and make you thinner. I reccomend it.
Dude consider yourself lucky to be gay.
In some Bible belt parts of the country gay is considered sinful and gays get the shit beat out of them. If you live in a place like that keep it to yourself. When you get the chance move to a gay friendly location and start your new life.
The vegan diet will give you a body that will attract a lot of sexy boys. You can do better than your teacher. Don’t tempt him. He could be sent to prison. Just wait for someone your own age.
With your lean vegan body and living in one of the top 20 gay friendly cities (no particular order: San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, Miami, Washington, D.C., Boston, San Diego, Denver, Seattle, Portland, Oregon, Dallas, Columbus, Ohio, Santa Rosa, Sacramento, Springfield, Massachusetts, Portland, Maine, Eugene, Oregon, Ann Arbor, Michigan) it’ll be heaven on earth for you sexually.
The Most Underrated Gay-Friendly Cities in America: 1. Columbus, Ohio 2. Albuquerque, New Mexico 3. Providence, Rhode Island 4. Kansas City, Missouri 5. Salt Lake City, Utah 6. Indianapolis, Indiana 7. New Haven, Connecticut 8. Fort Worth, Texas 9. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 10. Sacramento, California 11. Detroit, Michigan.
Have you had sex yet? I’m heterosexual but I’ve heard from other male heterosexuals that having sex with their female partner who wears a strap-on dildo is the best orgasm. I haven’t tried it but that’s what I’ve heard. They say it stimulates the prostate gland and it’s an even better orgasm than the regular kind that men have. So anyway find some gay boys your age online and talk to them to feel more okay with your sexual orientation. There is nothing wrong with being gay no matter what your parents or church says. Maybe you should buy a dildo for yourself until you get the real thing. I don’t know.
Along with the fruit and vegetable diet get to the gym to fight depression. Exercise works better than anti-depressant drugs. You can verify that with a quick online search. And health club locker rooms are filled with naked men. That can’t be a bad thing for a guy who likes to look at guys. I’d love to walk into a women’s locker room. Do you see how lucky you are?
I feel for you kid but everything will improve. I have gay friends and you’re going to have some fun once you get rollin’ boy let me tell ya!
Sorry wannabe dead, but I’m a dudette, I just don’t like the word lesbian (I said I was struggling with it, so much so that I can’t even call it what it is.) Also I live in the UK. Don’t worry about me tempting my teacher though, because she’s so totally heterosexual and has a boyfriend and hopefully she doesn’t even know how I feel about her. I wouldn’t want to do anything that would get her in to trouble anyway, it just hurts that’s all. Having this secret inside of me just weighs me down and tires me out and talking about it doesn’t really help either, but hey we all need to vent sometimes and help sometimes comes from the places you least expect. It was worth a shot, I guess.
Don’t listen to Yoorek’s diet advice. Weight loss is the only purpose of his health club diet. Weight loss is a fringe benefit of the vegan diet. Vegans have a much lower incidence of Heart Disease, Cancer, Diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, Colitis, Crohn’s disease, ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, Premature Puberty in children, Acne to name a few. In fact the vegan diet is used to reverse many of these ailments once the disease has already been acquired. Can Yoorek’s diet say that? No it can’t. An animal based diet makes your body acidic and disease prone. A plant based diet makes your body alkaline and disease protected.
Almost everything I said about gays applies to lesbians. But lesbians I think are less persecuted than gays. In fact lesbian porn seems to be appreciated by some heterosexual men.
My sister is bisexual. My ex-mother-in-law was a lesbian. I have not had as much contact with lesbian women as with gay men but I’ve known a few.
According to the Out Traveler magazine survey, Amsterdam, Barcelona, London and New York are most popular destinations among gay and lesbian travelers.
I really think you’d benefit from finding other lesbians your age on line to discuss shared issues with. I’m sorry you’re having trouble accepting your sexual preference and that it hurts so much to have sexual feelings for someone beyond the bounds of possibility. Just know that there is nothing wrong with you if you are this way and you’ll have a great life either way 🙂
While I suspect “Dead wannabe” is way over the top with those alleged benfits of being vegan (though I don’t know that), being vegan is definetly healthy. I’m pretty certain that it’s not that simple, but let’s assume for the sake of the argument that vegan diet is indeed very healthy and can do all those things. Only I suspect that suddenly changing your diet to a vegan diet, combined with training, will be difficult to keep up. Let’s face it – meat is fucking delicious and gives you energy. So I think a way better option is fixing your diet the normal and professional way, combine it with a hard training with a professional, and then when you accompish the effect, which, if you try hard, will be OUTSTANDING, slowly move to a vegan diet.
If for now you don’t need to desperately protect yourself against “Heart Disease, Cancer, Diabetes, Multiple Sclerosis, Colitis, Crohn’s disease, ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, Premature Puberty in children, Acne to name a few”, and just want to lose weight and look great efficiently and quickly, I reccomend this. But it’s up to you. Anyway, do it anyway you like, but lose weight. You’ll see that you’ll feel more wonderful that you even suspect. Maybe it will be a moment, when you’ll feel like you have a new chance for everything (like I did), and it will help you accompish and deal with other, totally unrelated, problems.