I am 20, and try everyday to keep away from thigns like cutting/smoking etc. I once cut myself really bad, and freaked out the love of my life. He left. I dont know. It is difficult for me to deal with that. I know that he wasnt worth it anyway, if he didnt help me then and just left. Â I was so scared. I didnt mean to cut myself. It was an empty threat! I have never seen so much blood in my life. I spent the whole day cleaning the room and trying to find a way to stop bleeding. I have a huge scar on my ankle and that was the worst trauma of my life. I had no one to help me out because I wasnt at home.
I dealt with that. But Now, I have so many problems dealing with people. I can never trust anyone. So even if (finally) my studies and everything are going okay, I still feel so empty. Unable to cope with even the smallest little problems. Sometimes I feel that all I do everyday is try to stay away from smoking, drinking and cutting. All I seem to do is try and try to stop myself, that I am so tired to actually live. please tell me that I am okay. That things will be better, because it is very very difficult to stop myself from taking extremem steps.
Thanks.
3 comments
your doing well to keep off the drink smokes and cutting but you cant do it on your own. does your family know? would they be supportive? have you seen a therapist?
Self-Control is something you seem to have more of than most other people who feel the way you do. This will definately make it easier for you to survive in the longrun.
Man, I wish I only had one or two deep cuts. You’re kinda lucky that guy left, last time I cut (about 3 years ago so far) my wife stayed, and now I have a constant reminder of what a fuck-up I am 🙁
I could give you a whole list of things to do instead of cutting, if you’d like? (this list was made up by people who have no idea what they’re talking about, but think they’re “qualified” cause they read a book or took night classes…)
1. pour ketchup (or catsup) on the area you usually cut.
2 snap a rubber band on your wrist to cause some non-damaging pain.
3. talk to a priest.
4. take a warm bath. (as if the solitude’s not a trigger)
laughing yet?
Look, nobody can help you if you cant start helping yourself first. So far you’re doing that. Good job. I cant tell you that you’re okay, I dont know you. I can see that you dont seem to be much worse off than me, which means you can not only survive, but can do so without hurting yourself.
The best suggestion I can give you at this point is to explore this site and leave comments for people you can relate to. In helping others, we help ourselves. That sounds like some kinda guidance counselor bullshit, yeah, but doing exactly that has now saved my life twice.
But why do you cut in the first place? Perhaps I have some insight into that…
You don’t cut because you’re sad, you do so cause you feel strongly. You feel everything with intent. When something bad happens, try as you might not to, you actually give a shit. You’re not full of sadness, you’re empty. Your dealing with-shit-energies are depleated, and nobody seems to understand that. It’s probably too deep for most people, but people like us? We get it. We dont want it, but we get it. Everything fucking hurts, and you dont wanna die, but you wanna handle the pain better, you wanna handle the pain of every day life like everyone else can.
I got news for you, sister: you aint like everyone else. You care. To put a poetic bent on it, you are an example of why god (or the gods, or whatever) made humanity. You’re here to take the pain because you can. It overwhelms sometimes, hell alotta the time. But you can take it. You’re like an emotional tank. The feelings you have that build up to cutting would kill most people. WE FEEL THAT DEEPLY BECAUSE THEY CANT. That’s not gonna make life any easier for you. That’s not gonna make you better equipped to handle shit than you already are. And it’s certainly not gonna help you be like everyone else. But that’s okay, ’cause you’re not supposed to be like everyone else. You’re supposed to be just who you are. And below those scars and those tears and the black emptiness that makes you feel alone in a crowd, you remain the most beutiful soul in that crowd. It’s just really hard to remember that sometimes. I hope I helped remind you of what you already know…