Well, i think i have finally completely lost my mind beyond repair. My hallucinations are now more frequent and much more disturbing. Before i could handle any of the hallucinations that i would have, but not anymore. For example, yesterday i watched blood flow down my ceiling while my dead grandmothers disembodied head was floating in the corner of the room. You probably think that im making this up, but im not. Im now dealing with these types of hallucinations on a daily basis and i have to say its messing me up quite a bit. And on top of that im dealing with the voice that pushed me over the edge at one point and made me decide to commit suicide. Of course i failed, which was not much of a surprise to me since i cant do anything right, and i was locked up in a mental hospital for a week. There i had some of the worst experiences in my life. And at one point i started experiencing freight or flight and had to be sedated. There was also no source of entertainment to keep my mind off the hallucinations and my depression. I couldnt sleep i coulnt eat, although that is pretty much what happens to me everyday. I just cant take it anymore, i just cant. Iv put up with this for almost 8 years now and im just turning 16 in a few months. I dont want to die but i dont want to live. I just want to get away from all of this shit that is happening to me. I dont want to hurt the few that love me, but i dont want to stay here to suffer anymore. For example, if someone pulled a gun on me, there is a high probability that i would help them pull the trigger. There is only one reason that im really trying to continue to live, but ill explain that some other time.