so yeah here goes, okay I’ve just turned 18 days ago, had the worst Christmas ever. I’m not here for sympothy or anything like that i just need to tell my story. Well i haven’t had a bad life, I’ve a mummy and family who i love but they just don’t understand, well enough off my rambling. 12th of June – the day i met HIM. I was at a concert and it was just by chance that we met, we were strangers, litterally bumped into eachother…we just got talking you know just asked where he was from his age(17) you know just small talk then he was telling me i was gorgeous but i wasn’t interested i had a Bf, but i do remember his piercing blue eyes and his smile. So then my friend and him exchanged their fb. that was it. goodbye.
A few days later i got a new friend request from HIM. He found me through my friend. So we got talking on chat through FB and he was still tellin me i was gorgeous and that he wanted to meet me again..you know all the shite boys do to charm ya but he knew i had a boyfriend so i just didn’t really pay attention then he really tryed to charm me by saying all these lies for example em he was in a movie with will smith, emm he owned a barbers shop and that he was really rich , countless lies i cant even remember. So then i just used to ignore him because i thought he was crazy, like you know with all this lying.. so then i continued on with my life as normal, me and my Bf were getting on great. Life was good!!
Then in August HE started writing to me again and i told him like i didnt wanna chat if he was gonna lie. So he said he wouldn’t.. then we got talking again only through FB.. just general chit-chat..
Then during the middle off August.. me and my Bf broke up. I was sad but not really because i didn’t love him.
Anyways this boy i met at the concert( we’ll call him *Shane) was in his element when he seen i was single..
he started writing to me on Fb again trying to charm me again but this time he was actually okay.. then a week later me and my guy bestfriend went to his hometown shopping for the days which is over 2hrs away and i had arranged to meet him because he seemed pretty genuine and he really wanted to see me again but we were only meeting for lunch and as friends and he knew that. So yeah we did meet and the moment i saw him i just remembered his eyes and smile from the concert. Absolutely divine.. the meet went well. he was an absolute gentleman we went for lunch he pulled out the chair for me when i sat down… a gentleman he was and soo mature for 17 i thought 🙂 and he payed for the lunch aswell for me and my friend. He was really nice then when me and my friend were going to catch our bus my friend went on ahead before me and *Shane went in for a kiss. i was so shocked but only natural i kissed him back.
So then later that night when i got home i recieved a text from him sayin hoope i had enjoyed my day and that he really liked me and he wanted to meet again.. i felt smitten!! i was starting to get attracted to him.
then we used to talk alot more often, then in september there was another concert coming up in September and we were both goin to it, it was on for 2days so we had arranged to meet at it..
So yeah we met at the concert, he was lovely. he had met some of my friends and i met his he seemed nice.
then after that weekend, you could say we were kinda of seeing each other. even though we lived 2hrs away . we agreed that we’d travell every second weekend to see eachother . either i’d go up there or he would come down here.
So yeah 2weeks later i traveled up to stay at his for a nyt, you know meet the parents and all . i was so nervous but we got on great. his family were all so nice to me. then he came down to mine the following weekend to meet my mum and family and my mum loved him. thought he was very nice 😀 and she said she aproved hes just a good charmer i guess..
so yeah then we started gettin really close but we wernt bf and gf yet, then like he asks me to his wedding wish was on the 1st of October , he had mentioned it before but i never really thought anything of it but then it was like a week before the wedding and i had decided to go so yeah things were kinda gettin serious for Shane* to be asking me to his aunties wedding. so i traveled up that friday the 1st for the wedding, i felt very uncomfortable but i was at ease then at the reception because like i got on great with his grannie and chatted away to her and some of his other family. and like his grannie was telling me she had never seen him so happy then he was with me and that he really liked me and that i was a keeper and all and then when he was introducing me to everyone, he was calling me his girlfriend and telling me how great i was. i was very embaressed but like still happy that he was sayin this to people. then the next day we left the hotel to go back to his house his mum and dads stayed there an extra nyt so we stayed at his house.. and that weekend he told me he really loved me ( and stupid as i am i believed him) he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me , marry me BLAH BLAH BLAH…. so yeah that weekend was our first time…..MY first time that is…..not his
anyways i left on the sunday to go home and i honestly felt i was falling for him..
So yeah anyways we were still seeing eachother he came down to mine for halloween for a week…all was good he asked me to me his gf i said yes..
then for his bday i had a big suprise lined up for him his bday is the 9th of November and we were talkin about it one night and then he admitted he was only 16 he said he regreted lyin to me and begged me not to leave him because he lyed so i didnt because i ‘loved’ him… anyways trya just cut to the chase here… travelled up for his 17th birthday .. he know nothin about it . he loved his suprise . ME . lol . he was speachless.. anyways on the 18th on November we had a big fight and i ended it because he was writing on his FB that he didnt like me nomore i was very selfish to this girl he knew, when i seen what he was writing i felt sick. i cryed and cryed for days thinkin how could he say this about me.. what bad did i ever do on him i know im not the best person in the world but i no im not the worst either .. anyways that week was one of the hardest of my life .. he denyed it when i said to him he said it wasnt him.. he didnt care anymore.. then i seen a change in him . so i tryed to deleted him out of my life and took his number of my phone take him of my fb, but i was still so gutted i truely loved him and he didnt give a shit i was suicidel, not eating, constanely crying because of him my trust was abused.. i was gonna hang myself i had the rope up in my room it still is.. i had letters wroten to my best friend and my mum and my wee sister.. i couldnt do it because the nyt i went to do it i got a call from him tellin me to come up and we could sort things out so that weekend i did … like the idiot i am i travlled 2hrs for him .. never did sort things out .. he just went on as if everything was normal.. i tryed to like sorts things out but he doesnt like confrontation .. so then after that weekend i went up to him he text me when i was on the bus sayin he just didnt want me anymore he wasnt happy and didnt like goin steady … so yeah went on another downer and i still am.. i still stay in contact with his mum and grannie but only threw Fb and they all tell me its gonna be fine but its not.. so yeah la few days ago was boxing day and i got a text from a frend askin was me and him back again and i said no and she said well its up on his fb that hes in a relationshiop . wen i seen i i cryed and cryed my eyes out.. like not even a month broken up and hes with someone else the thought of it makes me physically ill. its was the girl he was writin to on FB sayin i was selfish and all .. i swear i feel so embaressed over it and disgusted.. like i cant eat or sleep properly he was my first love. and he hurt me so much i cant even describe it. i cant talk to anyone . not even my bestfriend because i dont wanna be a burden and my mum we’ve got nothing to say , she just looks at me and nods she knows what im goin threw yet wont help me.. i just walk around like a zombie .. i walk around life-less. i sit at home all day everyday.. HE is constanely on my mind. him and her. god i feel sick think on it.. like he has crushed me to pieces and yet he walks around with his head high with another girl… i have nothing to live for .. FUCK SCHOOL, FUCK EVERYTHING.. only good thing in my life is my wee sister and my bestfriend.
anyways thats it thats my story . i know its not as bad as others on this ..
will this heartache get any easier?? because i hate feeling like this crying all the tym . i cant even listen to music either . my favourite band the script i just cry because the meanin of there songs remins me of him.. i cant sleep either because then i just start to think… these past two days have been the worst i just want this pain to end.. this heartache im goin threw i wouldnt wish i on my worst enemy. i still am contempleting suicide and i will if i get a good, painless method and do not want to fail .. !
and sorry if this is confusing to many……
i just need strength….