I’m a newcomer to the site, I’m female (15 yrs.) and want to end my suffering.
You may think I’m dumb,crazy,messed up, or whatever but take a mile long walk in my shoes…
Everyone thinks I have the perfect life: cool and easy going parents, lots of friends, middle class, etc.
But in reality my life sucks.
I feel like I fail at everything I do. I’ve been getting into random fights with everyone lately, including my best friend, for no appearent reason.
Now my brother (13 yrs) has a high case of autisim. I love him to death. But I’m worried that later on, that I’ll let him down. I’m not exactly the smartest person, my worse class is math. But I have a strong feeling that when I’m older that I won’t be succesful, have a nice house or w.e and won’t be able to take care of him.
You’re probably thinking that maybe I’m pressured into all this, well you’re wrong.
I bottle all my feelings, I hide them from my closest friends and my family.
I get home and let them out, but for some reason I can’t do that anymore.
So then I turned to something I swore that I’d ever do: Cutting.
I’ve done it about 5-6 times, sure not a lot but the cuts are pretty deep considering.
You might also think they’re on my arms or wrists, but yet again you are wrong.
I cut my thighs so no one can see or even ask.
I feel like I let everyone down and have no reason to live, for what good am I?
An absurdity like I should be revoked the privilages of living.
If you have any advice on how to commit a clean suicide or even advice as to how I shouldn’t commit it, please comment or something…
7 comments
Hey…I don’t really think you should do it just yet…how long have you been thinking about suicide? I’m 16 (female) but I’m still in the process of considering it.I already have had one attempt I overdosed on tylenol. but I was just sick for a few days.(Trust me, I took an entire large bottle, it’ll be slow and painful) Do you want my email? we could email each other and we could probably help each other find an effcient way.
Hi, I was very sad to read about your life. I think your worries may not turn out the way you fear. The future may not be as bad as you think. So I don’t recommend suicide, especially since you are so young.
One thing that has been really working for me recently is trying not to think about my life too far ahead. If I look five or ten years into the future and imagine what my life will be like, the only things I see are that I am likely to be more lonely, have more health problems etc. So I’m trying at the moment yo focus only on the period up to Easter, and confine my thoughts and plans to that. It’s a way of coping, and I have to say that so far it’s been helping me a lot.
Please don’t cut yourself. Yes, I know it helps you feel better at the time, but you’ll have the scars and sense of failure to deal with, and it could become more and more of a habit. If your life is bad, don’t make it worse by hurting yourself. Those thoughts that say “Cut yourself, you’ll feel better” are EVIL thoughts. What I do (I am a Christian) is that when those thoughts come along I tell them to leave me alone and GET OUT in the name of Jesus Christ. It really helps. Then I ask God to send me some helpful thoughts….and that works too.
Wishing you all the best,
Petra
Life can be a pain, but finding something healthy to get your mind cleared is important…try some sort of activity or hobby. Vent to someone. If you can’t open up to your best friend maybe it’s time to look for a new one. A person who keeps all emotion up inside ends up getting easily aggitated and they start to hate the world and themselves. Try to find what you truly cherish most and make the best from it. And take it day by day… Cause sadly it and everything else can get worse. Or it can get better. A huge Part of it depends on your choices. Your not at rock bottem Just yet. Use this time wisely…you still feel powerful emotions such as love. Use that to help guide you to something great. If you get through this rough patch you can help other people going through the same thing and help save a life. You can take your own life or aid in saving another. I speak every word true, that is what I think when I get to my really low points. Think of what you can accomplish with the knowledge of your struggles to aid others in dire need. Its a bumpy ride, but it can all be worth it. I wish you peace~
hey im 19 and went through similiar things you have. i used to cut also. I really hope u dont hurt yourself anymore. u seem like a really good person. the world has few of thoughs and desperatley needs more.
P.S. Kavash i hope ur troubles are not enough for you to try and hurt yourslef again
You and i have lots in common
Everyone thinks im happy with my
Perfect life but they are wrong
No one knows shit about me. And a certain guy
Ruined my life thanks to him i am suffering with
My parents
Email me and lets talk
Thanks everyone for taking my situation seriously, it means a lot. and to KaVash: I’ve tried just living in the now, but everyone makes me think ahead. Sure I know what I wanna do as a career, both logical & unlogical. And to 4gotten I lost my 1st bf too, it messed me up for 7 months. And I help a lot of people with their problems, I do it more than anyone I know. I talked about 6 people out of doing suicide. I’m really dumb aren’t I?
If you wanna e-mail me my e-mail is: leaffan64@hotmail.com (no caps or spaces) And finally if anyone wants my help lemme know, I would like to try 2 assist.
I would also like to say that you all seem like great people, who deserve better than this. I’m glad there’s some small shred of sympathy in this cruel world. I also forgot to mention to KaVash that I’ve been thinking about suicide for awhile but never had the guts to do it. I hope you all pull through and wish you all a happy life. If you (any of you) need help or advice email me (my emails above)
Thanks.