Just heard the song Why by Rascal Flatts talking about losing a friend to suicide. Wonder if something really happen would anyone think of me if they heard that song? Broke down to my boyfriend last night he said I have a week to go talk to a doctor before he does something about it. I doubt he will. Trying to study I have several major tests in the next couple of weeks, but wonder if it is worth it. Counted up by points to see if I can get into my program this fall and wouldn’t you know I am around 1-5 points short and that’s if I pull out all As this semester. My life is such bullshit.
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Your life is worth it. You can talk to someone about getting into that program in the fall. If you don’t make it in then, you can try to get in at a later point.
I don’t think school is for me. I have been in RN Nursing school twice the first time I wasn’t in but a month or two and just wanted to party so I got out. The second time my boyfriend just left for Basic training for the Air force so I was always worried about him so I flunked out by ONE POINT. ONE fucking point do you know how bad I got mocked and hated for by my family and friends?? I stayed drunk for weeks. I have a Business and Office Management degree that I got after that, but want something better. I have such a bad track record with school and am mostly B/C student that most programs probably won’t mess with me. I need to find something worth while so I won’t feel so useless.
Since you have a boyfriend, I would think he would think of you if you died and stuff. You’re not useless if you managed to get a degree in that already.. since there are some people who can’t even afford to go to college to get a degree and all that. I have tests for classes too… it’s really hard to concentrate when all you can think about is ending it and how depressing life is..
I know I am lucky to at least have finished something I am able to go school because I had scholarships the first two years and then my grandparents who save every penny spend a chunk on school and I work and pay for my books. I just want to make my parents proud they both work in a factory and want so much more for me.
As for the boyfriend, he doesn’t take me too seriously keeps telling me I am just stressed and everything is normal on what I am feeling. He has a tendancy on making me feel an inch tall and talking down to me. I know he is getting fed up with my depression. I am fed up with it. I feel like a spoiled insecure brat who doesn’t want to grow up and dig myself out of this hole I got put in.
I know how that feels.. I used to want to make my parents proud too. I went as far as winning awards each year for them and joining a sports team and everything.
I don’t think you’re spoiled.. it’s just that you can’t help feeling depressed. . I know I shouldn’t be depressed and suicidal at times too, but even when knowing, it’s like you can’t get rid of it. I’m pretty sure I’m just going to kill myself after I research more on a sure nonpainful suicide or something. Something that won’t fail and make you worse off than when you started. You should ask your boyfriend to help make you feel better. Since you actually have someone you should ask for his support. I would think that’s his duty to do so as your boyfriend..
I am trying to get help , but friends and family do not understand and all my bf wants is for me to talk to someone else and not him because he doesn’t know how to deal with it. You don’t have to be alone. Is talking to people on here not helping or finding some comfort? I keep pursue medical fields because I want to help others which makes me have a purpose and helps myself. I have never done therapy, but it seems so pointless I want to talk to people in the same situations not some dude with a clipboard who is going to charge me tons of money.
Not everyone understands.. and then there are people who pretend they do and then just lie to you.. I’ve had that happened to me over and over. Yeah.. talking on here helps I guess.. to see it’s not just me wanting to die. That’s a good goal… you can use that to get over your depression and stuff. I’m sure you’ll do great if you really just want to help others. I don’t want to judge.. but I think you should talk to your boyfriend more about it and ask him to be there for you… I mean… that isn’t that what lovers are for..? to always help each other in tough times and not just shove it to someone else to help?