As i finalise my plans and order everything i will need i find myself continuously thinking to the moment i do it. Will i have the guts to go through with it? Is my resolve enough? Or will i back out. I used to be plagued by thoughts of what it will do to my family but i can now say with certainty they don’t care. There is no question that this will be the end of my life as i know it but will i die or live and just move away to start all over again? That’s what i keep asking myself. I wish i had a partner to do this with, some one that could keep me focused on what needs to be done. I’m lonely now but i can imagine my final moments will be so much worse. On the other hand i wouldnt want some one else to be with me when i kill myself. Sorry all, my head is spinning with what ifs and indecisions.
Is this just me subconsciously trying to talk myself out of this? Or am i just procrastinating? Who knows.
7 comments
where are you from? how old are you?
UK, 26
I tried this morning, but I just couldn’t do it.
I think deep down we secretly want to live, even though on the surface, we’re aching to die.
But you sound strong. You sound like someone who, if they fought this, you could overcome.
I’ve tried but now i’m just too tired for it any more.
I kinda think you don’t really want to do it. First, you are unsure what happens after it’s done, and I get it may scare you. Next, you want to do it with a partner. Also, in other posts I’ve seen from you, you seem pretty string and secure about your life. Of course I could be all wrong.
I do want to say, your family cares. You may not think so, but they do.
My family don’t care, they have actually told me this themselves.
If you met me you would no i’m not strong at all. I’ve failed everything in my life and just messed everything up. I guess part of me does want to live, thats natural instinct, but that part of me is slowly being over ridden. All i can think about are my reasons to die.
i will miss you
i dont want you to go