As i finalise my plans and order everything i will need i find myself continuously thinking to the moment i do it. Will i have the guts to go through with it? Is my resolve enough? Or will i back out. I used to be plagued by thoughts of what it will do to my family but i can now say with certainty they don’t care. There is no question that this will be the end of my life as i know it but will i die or live and just move away to start all over again? That’s what i keep asking myself. I wish i had a partner to do this with, some one that could keep me focused on what needs to be done. I’m lonely now but i can imagine my final moments will be so much worse. On the other hand i wouldnt want some one else to be with me when i kill myself. Sorry all, my head is spinning with what ifs and indecisions.
Is this just me subconsciously trying to talk myself out of this? Or am i just procrastinating? Who knows.