this one is just a few minutes old…. once again, thanks for the cyberspace – FTS
============================================
Afraid Of The Day
============================================
Somehow I feel safer at night,
the demons must sleep then.
It’s around noon when try I might
and death comes calling again.
The daylight burns scars on my soul
when evil comes out to play.
Under the lonesome bridge like a troll,
I am fearful of the day.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Absent stars, a velvet black sky
protects me from myself.
But morning looms, a new day is nigh
and again I go through Hell.
Why am I so afraid of the sun
and the day so full of danger?
Like being pointed at, with a gun
held in the hand of a stranger.
– – – – – – – – – – – – –
Day and night, night and day,
Life is a circle that drives me mad.
Sol has risen and there is no way
to prevent me being sad.
At night I can wish upon the stars
but daylight turns thoughts to sand.
Exposed by the light, all my scars
have been caused by my own hand
==========================================
6 comments
That’s beautiful. I know what you mean about choosing night over day.
At night, things seem okay, but as soon as the next day comes, and you wake up, you know that it’s not.
this is the first time I’ve felt like this….. there comes a point in the late afternoon that I know I’m going to make it through…. for what ever reason, I won’t kill myself at night…. I’m safe at night…. but when I wake up, I know I’ve got an entire day to try to not do it….. the days are difficult… especially when there isn’t anyone here on this site to talk to like this….
btw, thanks again vmy
When I wake up, the first thing I think is, “is today the day?”
And then I’m so scared of my own thoughts. And I try to distract myself- I turn the volume up on my iPod to drown them and I read and write and I talk on here or on facebook but the thought is still there.
I should probably say thanks to you- for talking to me.
I’m probably not very interesting- just some 15 year old girl who’s wallowing in her sorrows haha
But I like talking to you and the other people on here. It makes me not feel so alone.
no… no… I saw the other day that you have keen insight…. you seem much older… and that is not a slam… you actually seem to be doing pretty well… you don’t think the shrink and meds help you?
Thanks. I think it’s because I read alot (probably too much!) that I have that insight. I like to read.
I’m very closed… Private… I like to hide my feelings. I guess you could refer it to natural selection- when I was little, if I cried, my dad would hit me. You kinda learn after that showing your feelings isn’t right.
But it’s hard work- pretending your ok. You want people to think you’re fine so they’ll leave you alone.
The meds can only do so much. The thoughts are still there though. As for for the shrink… Waste of money.
yeah, I know about being taught that showing feelings was wrong… I was brought up exactly the same way… so I too… am a very private person… so much so that it has caused relationship problems…. as a result, I am also a very solitary person…
definitely hard work…. made even harder by stupid non-caring “normal” people….
I’ve only tried medication once…. by court order…. so when the free stuff ran out that was it…. granted I wasn’t on them for very long (6 months I think) but they didn’t seem to work all that great for me.. and yeah, so called “professionals” are a joke