what to title this post…. a very long and difficult day that once again had someone on this site saving me from myself. For the second time in 4 days. Because I feel like I should give something back in return for these two individuals, here is another poem that is being published as soon as it is finished. Titled, “Now I’ve Gone And Done It”
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Somewhere deep in the back of my mind,
I always thought I’d be too scared to try.
But now that I’ve actually gone and done it,
I’m afraid I’ll never be too far from it.
– – – – – – – – – – – –
Why did I have to go and survive?
Why do I have to be still alive?
To me it feels like a fate worse than death,
to still be here taking breath after breath.
– – – – – – – – – – – – –
Now every minute I am here,
I spend wondering if death is near.
Now that I have really tried,
does it prove my mind is fried?
– – – – – – – – – – – – – –
With everyday that brings the fight,
my soul is safe alone at night.
I have tried and not succeeded,
is this what I really needed?
11 comments
“To me it feels like a fate worse than death”
“Sometimes the fate we suffer is so much worse than death” (another quote)
Another great poem here FTS
Firsttimesurvivor: hope you are feeling a little better now 🙂
It’s funny you say that you feel like you need to give something back because truthfully, just talking to you meant so much to me.
I agree with wastedlife- this is most definetely another great poem.
thanks to both of you. Truly I did feel better after talking w/ you @VMY
but it’s only 4 am here and I truly fear the day, hence, “Tomorrow Is The Day”
You have no idea how much I’m hoping that tomorrow isn’t the day.
I’m going to be checking this site periodically for the rest of the night. If you ever need to talk, I’m going to try my very best to be here.
@VMY – I know you know you don’t have to do that. Thank you for caring.
It’s the daylight hours before 4pm I am worried about. I thought I had decided to live when I went to bed after talking with you, but like the poem said, I’ve tried it once, now I know I’m capable of it. That surprised me at first but now it scares me.
It’s ok- I like making sure people are ok. Cheking this site makes me feel ok too. Win/win situation.
I think you need to look at things differently- you’ve stopped it once, so now you are capable of stopping it again.
But seriously, if things start looking really awful, you can just make a post an I’ll reply. If it’s any easier, you can even email me.
My email’s starfruit_vmy@hotmail.com <— don't laugh at the name-I made it when I was 10 lol
I know this may sound stupid and I feel silly for suggesting it but have you tried writing poems about the good things in life, I know their hard to find, let alone start to write about them? this may have been suggested already and I don’t mean to be patronizing
I really hope today isn’t the day
@Wasted – When I’m as happy as I am down right now, I write about it. Usually after meeting someone special 🙂
all my writings are is an attempt to deal with current feelings. but the feelings have to be strong for me to capture them in prose. Unfortunately the strongest feelings are usually this type
it does seem that you have a good outlet for expressing those feelings when they are as strong as they are. I don’t really have any myself. I usually listen to music but lately that has not been working, but driving me deeper down. and then I turn to alcohol to try and forget about things., I tend to not talk to anyone about it except on here because for some reason I feel like I can
@Wasted – I will post a poem from ’03. This one was written at a time when I was…. I won’t say in love, but definitly smitten.
Look for a post titled Walk On The Beach.