My hope is gone
I’m just trying to hold on
The little one is only two
Sixteen years and I’ll finally be able to let go
If I make it
For me suicide is a matter of when, not if
I’m past the two year period where my life insurance wouldn’t pay out in the event of suicide
Need to buy the plot
I wonder if they look up to me like I look up to my dad.
If they only new how I feel inside. They’ve seen me sob, but how could they know. My only hope is that they don’t inherit this curse. I still feel like a frightened child when I stare inside myself.
When all is said and done I wonder if they’ll know the reason I went on was for them and their sweet mother.
You can look for support elsewhere too. What I dislike about this place is anyone can be as rude and offensive as they like because there’s no moderator. Suicidal people are already very vulnerable, so any more harsh comment can hurt them immeasurably.
People who created this site, in my opinion, should be more responsible once they have such a suicide website opened, or they should just close it as they obviously no longer care to monitor as they claimed.
they look up to you. even if you dont think you are now, you’re strong…and you know what? we’re all frightened children. dont be afraid to let it out on here, venting helps a lot.
Honey, I’m 50 and still looking for the tallest bridge …. the best pills …. the splashiest way …. and yes, wanting the insurance to cover my family. I passed my two years for insurance, too :0) Suicide is definitely not just for the young.
it makes me lose hope that there is any happiness left out there when i see adults that arent even apart of my life depressed like this. it saddens me, but its good to know that not every adult is against us. some actually know what its like to want to die. i truly wish the best for all of us. and for once in my 18 years of life, i might actaully pray. <3
(with tears in my eyes)
I’m glad I found you folks!
@ journey I keep telling myself 16 years(my youngest will be two n June)
Wonder if I’ll make it!
@ chimera don’t know what to tell ya bud; hope the praying works for ya!
I’m 20, and I’d kill to have my Dad back. Cancer took him three years ago, and I don’t know if he ever knew how much I looked up to him. When we’re teenagers, we don’t think about those above us as having feelings, so we don’t think to tell them how we feel about them. If you care about your kids as much as is apparent in your posts, (seeing also as you identify yourself as “dad”) they are happy and grateful to have you as a father. I know I’d be. Stay around and let them have you for as long as they can. I wish my Daddy had that choice.
Dear Dad….I understand, I do. I’m 56 and so, so lonely. I’ve always been lonely. I live near the Golden Gate Bridge and am so afraid to even try to cross it for fear that I’l given in and jump.
I’ve been a misfit all of my life. I believe in God and just know that if I made the jump He would not hold it against me. Every night I pray and ask God to let me die. I have a bad heart. I had heart failure and open heart surgery in 2009. I have never experienced a depression as deep and dark as the one that consumed me at that time. Not since I was 17 and tried to kill myself after years of bullying (for being gay, the class fag, as I was called), in which my older brother participated in. I took a lot of my Dad’s pills but all it did was make me ill. My family doesn’t know about this.
My family finally talked me into getting some antidepressents and they’ve actually helped me with suicidal ideation. But I still want to die. I’m still so lonely. I still want to just go be with God.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you are not alone because of your age or gender. You are not alone in your struggle. I hope you can continue to hang in there. We can talk if you want to. Peace!
16 comments
If you mean on this website it’s just because you’ve survived longer than most of us.
Don’t know how
Don’t know why
Wish I hadn’t
If only I could will my heart to stop
You’re welcome here any time dad. Just try to believe in hope. Believe your life can get better.
My hope is gone
I’m just trying to hold on
The little one is only two
Sixteen years and I’ll finally be able to let go
If I make it
For me suicide is a matter of when, not if
I’m past the two year period where my life insurance wouldn’t pay out in the event of suicide
Need to buy the plot
Btw
TY umbra
you’re welcome here dad.
i need to ask, do you feel the same as us younger ones? i just cant imagine it, someones dad, ya know?
I wonder if they look up to me like I look up to my dad.
If they only new how I feel inside. They’ve seen me sob, but how could they know. My only hope is that they don’t inherit this curse. I still feel like a frightened child when I stare inside myself.
When all is said and done I wonder if they’ll know the reason I went on was for them and their sweet mother.
Maybe.
You can look for support elsewhere too. What I dislike about this place is anyone can be as rude and offensive as they like because there’s no moderator. Suicidal people are already very vulnerable, so any more harsh comment can hurt them immeasurably.
People who created this site, in my opinion, should be more responsible once they have such a suicide website opened, or they should just close it as they obviously no longer care to monitor as they claimed.
they look up to you. even if you dont think you are now, you’re strong…and you know what? we’re all frightened children. dont be afraid to let it out on here, venting helps a lot.
Honey, I’m 50 and still looking for the tallest bridge …. the best pills …. the splashiest way …. and yes, wanting the insurance to cover my family. I passed my two years for insurance, too :0) Suicide is definitely not just for the young.
@dad… I’m 42 (a mom)
my kids are 21 and 18
my daughter graduates tmr
my son is getting married next year
I will give it until then
(at that point it will have been almost 30 years of hell)
in the meantime I will look for a reliable, painless method.
Next year is too soon and yet not soon enough.
All the best, Journey.
it makes me lose hope that there is any happiness left out there when i see adults that arent even apart of my life depressed like this. it saddens me, but its good to know that not every adult is against us. some actually know what its like to want to die. i truly wish the best for all of us. and for once in my 18 years of life, i might actaully pray. <3
(with tears in my eyes)
I’m glad I found you folks!
@ journey I keep telling myself 16 years(my youngest will be two n June)
Wonder if I’ll make it!
@ chimera don’t know what to tell ya bud; hope the praying works for ya!
I’m 22 but i feel like I’m 120 years old.
I’m 20, and I’d kill to have my Dad back. Cancer took him three years ago, and I don’t know if he ever knew how much I looked up to him. When we’re teenagers, we don’t think about those above us as having feelings, so we don’t think to tell them how we feel about them. If you care about your kids as much as is apparent in your posts, (seeing also as you identify yourself as “dad”) they are happy and grateful to have you as a father. I know I’d be. Stay around and let them have you for as long as they can. I wish my Daddy had that choice.
Dear Dad….I understand, I do. I’m 56 and so, so lonely. I’ve always been lonely. I live near the Golden Gate Bridge and am so afraid to even try to cross it for fear that I’l given in and jump.
I’ve been a misfit all of my life. I believe in God and just know that if I made the jump He would not hold it against me. Every night I pray and ask God to let me die. I have a bad heart. I had heart failure and open heart surgery in 2009. I have never experienced a depression as deep and dark as the one that consumed me at that time. Not since I was 17 and tried to kill myself after years of bullying (for being gay, the class fag, as I was called), in which my older brother participated in. I took a lot of my Dad’s pills but all it did was make me ill. My family doesn’t know about this.
My family finally talked me into getting some antidepressents and they’ve actually helped me with suicidal ideation. But I still want to die. I’m still so lonely. I still want to just go be with God.
I guess what I’m trying to say is you are not alone because of your age or gender. You are not alone in your struggle. I hope you can continue to hang in there. We can talk if you want to. Peace!