So… my therapist has provided me with an antidepressant. It makes me feel a bit dizzy. Like when I turn my head my mind kinda lags behind. But apart from that, it does nothing!!! I keep oscillating between sadness and anger. I hate my life. I have no life. Damn.
My therapist asked me if I want to try medication. This was difficult. It still confuses me. Somehow, I’m here for help and I seem eager to try it. But at the same time, I want to die. Medication will only make it harder (at least I thought so). I don’t know what to make of this. Do I actually want help? Or not? Or what the hell…? :'(
Then there’s my father. Normally he’s trying to make me feel better (with no success, but I don’t blame him). But today he told me, now that I won’t go to university, I should as soon as possible write a CV in order to get a job. I got quite mad at him. How could I have the ambition to get a job?????
And I kinda want a girlfriend, someone to really love. But then I look at all my colleagues who have girls all the time although they’re jerks. And then there’re people raping others and shit. How come they’re all happy??? Why are only the nice people suicidal?
7 comments
Hello,
As per the antidepressants, well, I am not a supporter of them, but if you want to have try them, ok. You need to know that they take a few weeks before they kick in and also you should not quit radically but lower the dose. However the ideal thing would be to work on the workable things, like friendships, family and etc. These are the best medicines.
As per your father telling you you are not going to university that is extremely mean from him, because he brought you to this world without your permission and he is reponsible for giving you the means for you to pursue your intellectual possiblities instead of condemning you to peel potatoes the rest of your life. If he is poor it is his fault. He should not have gotten married if he did not have the means to guarantee a financially stable life.
In any case, do enroll yourself in university, in something stupid like Law for example There is nothing easier than a study of the sort and tney will pay you 200 dollars an hour for a start. Even if it is in the open university or distance education, do register. You cant be condemned to be a puppet worker
regards
O
“Why are only the nice people suicidal?”
I think it’s because in order to be successful at life you have to be an asshole. Either that, or if you luck out & have someone to take care of you, you have a chance. But if you’re nice, alone & without the killer instinct to survive… welcome to misery.
I had 1 experience with meds a few years ago. Like you, I didn’t feel a thing except some disorientation. I slept a lot. I gained a ton of weight which was ok because I’m pretty thin. And did I mention I slept a LOT. I guess they successfully replaced my self-anger with a hollow, numb feeling. But mainly, yeah, I didn’t notice any improvement in my life.
I recently dug up a box of those meds & I’m thinking of taking them all, just because im absolutely desperate. Do they go bad? They’re about 8 years old.
About getting a job… I actually think that’s a decent idea. It’ll keep you distracted and you might meet some interesting people to further distract you. Try working at a restaurant or coffee shop, something where you’re surrounded by other people. Worth a shot?
@scooby
Yes, to what you wrote about the reasons of people being suicidal.
To succeed in society you dont need to be intelligent. In fact, it may turn problematic if you are very intelligent. You need instead to mix and network with the masses, create your contacts. I will give you an example. I always have to buy and pay for my software because I dont know anybody I can ask to for a “copy”, but most people never buy them because they always have a friend who has the software (who in turn got it pirated from someone else). Then, as you see, I am in huge disadvantage because I have to spend thousands of dollars in stuff while others well networked get it for free. The same thing happens with a job. If you are not networked, forget it, you would never get it, at least not in Europe. It does not matter how qualified you are. Forget it.
So, in order to be succesful, network, network and network!! do it! they will get you the best apartments, the best jobs, the best girls. If you are on your own, you are fucked up because they will be your enemies in everything.
If you are under 40 you may still have a chance to start networking. After that, it is very difficult. Of course, I am over 40, so that is why I am saying this.
As per the pills. In the first place do never overdose in any case, but any pill after 2 years is unuseable and its chemistry modifies itself giving rise to any possible horrible effects. Believe me, I am a pharmacist, I know what I am talking about. Do never overdose, and throw that rubbish to the bin.
regards
O
Hey O, thanks for that info. I don’t think I have enough pills for a fatal overdose… I was just thinking of knocking myself out for the weekend. But if what you say is right about the chemical composition, maybe I’m better off w booze & sleeping pills.
Networking, ugh, the very word sends chills up my spine but you’re so right about that. Society loves people who are ‘plugged in’ and hates those of us who remain in the outside. Your example is perfect about software & other goodies which networked people share freely while outsiders pay top dollar. I’m in a similar situation where I’m running a non profit service, and it’s costing me an arm & a leg because I can’t get the discounts & freebies that the other established groups share. What’s worse, like you mentioned, there is outright animosity toward outsiders, and society gangs up on us to pinch us out of existence. Society is like an unstoppable machine that promotes itself at the expense of strangers. I once thought we could beat it, but now I’ve realized how pointless it is.
What’s funny is that there are so many ‘outsiders’. I think we actually outnumber the ‘plugged in’ people. But we’re so fragmented & powerless they just eat us for lunch.
I’m not yet 40, but I live the life of an old geezer, so for all practical purposes I’m a lost cause. I’m too old to join the military which was my last hope of integrating myself with the human race. But I say to anyone who can do it, that might be a good option if you’re desperate.
The way I look at it, if it doesn’t work either up the dosage or try different medications.
“How could I have the ambition to get a job?????”
You have ambition to eat, right? Motivating factor Numero Uno. Also, be glad your father is working to cheer you up. Some of us don’t have supportive families. Some of us don’t have fathers. And all of us want relationships. Really, most everyone here asks for the same things. I wonder if they’ve ever tightened up their boot straps and gone after them.
No! no booze and no pills! they are not meant to work like that, and the results are unpredictable, half vomited unconscious, part of the vomited aspired into your lungs, forget that for gods sake!
I am not an expert and i dont want to understimate the pain you may be going through, but although we all say the same things, they are in fact true. things get better because both the environment and the individual are in constant change so dont lose hope believing that things always stay the same bad, they dont. they can get better