Today was pretty much happy, but for some reason I’m unable to stay that because I start thinking and it’s all negative thoughts and I wish I could make them cease but I’m just unable to so. I feel ugly even though my best friend says I’m not. I feel everyone just hates me when I know they don’t. I feel self conscious about every tiny aspect about me from my hair to the way I walk to my weight to the shape of my face. Sorry this is just random ranting, but I’ve never dated before and ive asked and been turned away, I mean they acted like they liked me but when I asked they never spoke to me again, I felt so used. I used to cut almost everyday and came near close to bleeding to death. I stopped but nothing ever seems to ever get better, well it had thanks to the amazing friends I have met on this site, I love you all whether you love me or not. I know this rant really had no point, sorry if I wasted your time.
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You didn’t waste my time. I would like to talk to you, if you want to. My email is randallkalinec@yahoo.com.
You didn’t waste my time, thanks for saying this. I feel the same way. Sometimes I’ll be incandescently happy, then I’ll be alone for an hour and start cutting. I don’t know why, it just happens. Same thing about how everyone says I’m not ugly, but I can’t believe it. It just makes me feel worse. I spend sooo long getting ready in the morning because I can’t stand looking anything less than perfect. I’ve never dated either, and I’m sixteen. I’ve been rejected too (everyone will be eventually). I hope that makes you feel better. ;] I’m glad you stopped cutting, I’m still in that place. Can’t see why not, the cuts heal, I’m fine. But I digress. I’m glad this site helped you, I’m just realizing that it’s a place to make friends, not just to get out my thoughts. And you seem like a lovely person, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. :]
No problem and from reading your other post called”my story ” I assume your name is Lisa. It’s very nice to meet you and thanks for reading this
zomg i feel the same way you are not the only one /). (\
Thanks. Ya it sucks
indeed :/
:/ I know
My name is Lisa, thanks for reading that. It’s nice to meet you too. What’s your name?
Brandon, I honestly hate it
You honestly hate what? Your name? o.O
Yeah, my name I don’t know why lol. And thanks
I like your name, it’s a good name. There are a lot of worse ones you could have. I can understand though, sometimes I hate mine too. Mine means something like “God is bountiful” which is awkward because I don’t believe in a god. Yours means brave. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. :]
So Lisa how are you today,
Well I guess your right but I’m not brave at all, I’m a coward :/
I’m alright today, thanks. Tired though. I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow, because I was too wrapped up in things to do any of my homework. How about you Brandon?
And aren’t we all cowardly though? In different ways of course. One of my friends is too scared to come out. One is too scared to wear clothes that don’t show off her whole body because she thinks no guys will like her for her. I’m too scared to stop making sure I look perfect. I still like my friends though, and I still like you. And even the bravest people are scared of something. You just need something to hold onto. I tend to grab the nearest person’s hand (even if I don’t know them xD).
*extends a hand* 🙂
Ha ya I guess were all afraid of something, I’m honestly afraid of the unknown, like when you walk outside at night and your afraid somethings in the shadow. And I’m doing pretty good too, not looking forward to school tomorro but I never look forward to anything anymore.
I’m scared of the unknown too, which makes me afraid of the dark, and silence. I always think there’s something lurking in the corner that I won’t know about. That’s why I jump if someone comes up behind me. And yeah, school sucks. And I hate that feeling, not looking forward to anything. I have an idea! How often are you on this site?
FirstTimeSurvivor: Thanks xD I’m sure if you were around, I would take your hand if it was dark or something. Do you mind telling me your name? I feel strange referring to you by your username. o.O
Almost every night
I got to go. Il talk to you later Lisa. Goodnight. You seem like a very nice person too good nite. Xoxo
just call me FTS. Nothing personal, but I am in a position where if anyone found out I’m on here and reads my story, I could suffer grave consequences. So I prefer to remain as anonymous as I can. Hopefully you can understand.
Well then Brandon, I will leave you a post everyday. Everyday it’ll be different. Maybe it’ll be lyrics, or a quote, or a weird word, or a poem, or something I wrote. But everyday I’ll dedicate it to you. It’ll be something to look forward to maybe? I’m good at being random and making people laugh. I’m one of those people that will dance on a table with a skirt on her head if it’ll make my friends happy. (Which it tends to). How does that sound? (Don’t worry about making me feel bad, I’m strong like bull =P).
Hi Brandon my sweet boy, goodnite.
Hello Lisa. Are you trying to steal my man? 😛 Joking, haha.
Goodnight Brandon, you seem very nice too :] xoxo
And FTS, that’s fine. I understand. I kept everything quiet for a very long time. I respect that. I have to go to, but it was lovely to talk to you all. Goodnight!
That sounds awsome Lisa 🙂 And goodnight Liz love you 🙂
I love you too Brandon! Sweet dreams. ⤠😀
Il try to have sweet dreams even tho I probably wont
Yeah try. 🙂 That’s what I do every night, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You are an amazing person and such a beautiful soul. Nite.
U still here Liz. I can’t fucking sleep lol
I’m here. Why is it that you can’t sleep?
Hi liz! You discovered me, I am trying to steal him xD haha jk.
Brandon, I already know what I’m posting for you tomorrow. Be pumped. And I can’t sleep either. :/ damn insomnia.
2 much on my mind. Idk
Thanks Lisa. Il be pumped lol. I look forward to it
Me too. Can’t sleep because a ‘friend’ dropped by.
Oh on here or at ur house
You’re welcome :] And at least we’re all unable to sleep? We’re not alone xD
Right on my bed. Suicide with a sexy knife. Tempting but no I won’t do it.
I’m glad you wont let it tempt you.
Haha I know Lisa. I’m going to be tired as shit tommiro
Yeah, all for you. Also, did you really watch Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball concert? When you told me that you did, you surprised me. Not your type of music is it?
Ya I really did with my mom lol. No not my type of music but I watched it Wasn’t bad really tho
I’m glad too Liz :] I let my razor win, but I stopped because I want to put up your post brandon :] And Lady Gaga scares me sometimes, but other times she’s brilliant. And I will be drinking a pot of coffee tomorrow morning.
Hey…. WHY DON’T YOU GUYS SHUT THE ##(@*(#* UPPP!!!!
yeAh,,, thats right
I love coffee but I only drink it when I’m out of town. And I use a blade not a razor. I think Lady Gaga is so pretty… now my mind’s wandering. 0.0
Lady Gaga puerh.
=)
X-Boy, what the hell?
Liz, me too. Lady Gaga is beautiful, but sometimes she escapes my ability to comprehend.
Hey X-Boy what’s with the outburst? Letting it out? =P
Did you honestly just cut Lisa
haha hey hey i was kiddiiing alright?!
I saw somwhere that they found lady gaga like passed out somwher at a club or something and she was doped up on crack half naked or something
What’s up x boy. How’s it been. I know that u dnt like people talking about cutting. It’s just whipping myself seems painful
Oh Brandon, how I wish I could say no. I was going to sleep but I saw the blade there and it was calling to me. I don’t even feel bad about it, except that I bled all over my sheets so I’ll have to wash them tomorrow. :\
No problem X-Boy I’ve had way too many people tell me exactly that to actually care. I’ve become immune to it. But you know it kinda stung coming from you. -_-
🙁 I’m sorry, it’s hard to ignore when you have the urge, trust me I know.
Lisa I can’t cut because of a certain promise to a certain someone. *points at Brandon* Oh well.
Oh dear, sorry X-Boy. Lady Gaga writes all her songs while she’s high. I mean, my friend writes her best songs while she’s high. Not that I
endorsing it. o.O
haha Umbra what are you talking about, when i said SHUT THE #$#$ uP? i was kidding =b
That promise still goes, I made a promise to too people that I won’t cut so I’m in trouble if I cut again and I’ve had strong urges too
High on weed yup. So much for creativity. So much for art.
But we’re all just human. Who cares if we get stoned or not. meh
I never made a promise. My friends never asked me to. Just told me to call them if I got the urge. Which sounds kinda weird now that I think of it…how can someone that doesn’t think like me rationalize with me? Does that make sense?
I suppose so.
X-Boy! X-Boy! X-BOY! HEY! -_-
Damn I have the urge to cut now, and I have to go for real this time. Good night everyone
Goodnight Brandon.
haha yes yes im kickin back watchin Conan and suckin on an ice cream cone, and stalking you guys. Yes that makes perfect sense dancerina(iono what she’s talking about =b)
And no that doesn’t make much sense
aw later dude
AH! Stalker! Run for your lives! =P I’ll stalk you too. Better watch out X-Boy. phhss, I’m right behind you now. haha
Sorry, goodnight Brandon!
X-Boy, you’re obviously just not smart enough to know what I mean ;]
haha, when was the last time you guys got ‘ HiGh ‘ iono jw
haha dancerina, touche
🙁 good night good night good night good night good night. Love you all with a bleeding heart
jk though i know what you mean
hey DHALSIM do you have school tomorow?
Yes
o ok, later dude, u dont mind me callin you dhaslim right?
I don’t do drugs, don’t smoke, don’t drink alcohol. I’m mighty damn proud of it. 😀 I gotta go now. Goodnight everyone. Goodnight Brandon, love you even more. Later.
Okay X-Boy…sure. Love you too Brandon. And I should really go. I have a hugeass chem test tomorrow. Gnite everyone :]
Oh gReat, =b jk. GoodnIght evErybOdy!
and good job umbra!
i do get it dancerina, stop teasing, ha
I can’t help it X-Boy. You’re so easy to tease, you’re squirmy xD Also, you can call me Lisa. I think we’re on a first name basis at this point xP
do you mind if i call you dancerina instead? haha squirmy, good one. Chemistry uuh, Awesome, embrace the knowledge!