This is all

oracle 5/5/2011 - 12:43 pm

what about a boyfriend ? wouldnt that help ? (I am assuming you are a girl, hopefully 🙂

I fully understand you and sometimes I have had the question whether depression makes people bring the most beautiful sensitive aspects of a person, or it is the other way around, that precisely sensitive intelligent people are naturally feeling depressed in a System like the one we have.

I think it is a combination of several things. On the one side it is definitevely a matter of sensitivity, but also a matter of intelligence because many of the reflections posted here are intelligent. Dumb people or retarded people cant feel depressed because they cant go beyond of elementary things like food and drink, but intelligent people notice the world around and that makes them sad. Then it is their ability to mix in this society. If they are sensitive, intelligent but dont fit here, they are doomed. So, you seem to be somewhere in there, with the 3 elements. However, you have a treasure that I dont have. Youth.

And with that treasure, you still have the possibility of becoming happy. For gods sake!, dont waste it!

imdonenow 5/5/2011 - 2:12 pm

Yes I am a girl. About getting a boyfriend – I don’t want one. There have been a few who’ve wanted to date/be in a relationship with me but I turned them all down. I feel like they’d just be wasting their time with me. They seemed like all good men and I didn’t want them to have to deal with someone who was suicidal, no matter how well I would hide it. It wouldn’t be fair to them.

I actually am very sensitive – to my own feelings and everyone else’s. I tend to internalize other people’s pain and that only contributes to my own depression. Now about the intelligence thing, I guess I am pretty intelligent, and yes I do notice the world. Friends and family who have been close to me notice my sensitivity and intelligence and it makes them want to be around me. Some people have even said that they think I’m the strongest and kindest person they know. I pushed all of them away for the same “they shouldn’t have to deal with a depressed & suicidal person” reason.

I’m just so tired of being alone and depressed. Everyday is a struggle to get myself out of my own depressed mind. You’re right about me being young. I just feel like I’ve been fighting forever. If I make my life turn around for the better where sensitivity + intelligence + lack of being able to fit in or have people close to me no longer equals depression, then I’ll definitely live (must happen soon). If it doesn’t work out, though, I’m gone.

bamuel 5/5/2011 - 4:07 pm

i wish i had your stength to be honest, you’re thinking of others before yourself and your own happiness. i think i’m too selfish. i asked my ex if she thought i was a bad guy, apparently i am, i only asked as i suspected as much, so only confirms it. but there you are feeling alone and depressed and yet, still thinking of others, i only mean, it is A positive. i’m a hypocrite saying it, but so is everyone else really, but we are here to help eachother arn’t we? if you want to talk my email is apkelly187@live.co.uk. also, about you being intelligent, i envy you, the fact i am pushes people away from me.

Graychameleon 5/6/2011 - 2:35 am

You finished grad school and landed a job. Can you tolerate that job enough to save money? You can do whatever you want now that you have the means. If you don’t like your job, quit. You’ve got two degrees, so your resume is stacked. You’re a girl, so you probably spent your life doing what others told you, or what you thought others wanted you to do. Quit that and now do only what you want.

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