like I said earlier…. difficult day…. all of the poems I’ve posted here so far were written much earlier in my life… years ago…. I think the most recent was from 2005….. this one was written today… about today….. titled same as the post… “Today Would Be The Day”….. thanks for the cyberspace….
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If it wasn’t for a promise I made,
today would be the day.
To end the pain and all the strife,
today’s the day I’d end my life.
I told someone I do not know
that I’d be there, so off I go.
It seems to me to be so absurd,
but I said yes and gave my word.
If it wasn’t for this promise I made,
today would be the day.
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37 comments
Each day you gotta trick death, buddy. I’m glad you made it through another one alive.
These recent poems are really powerful… I dunno how else to describe it… like they’re carrying a lot more weight than the earlier works.
I’m not going to make it Scoob….
Please try…
In some weird way, your poems are a better therapist then the guy I have to see.
I know it sounds really selfish- and I’m sorry too, but in some way, I need to read those poems to get me through the day.
I really really hope you can make another day. Not just for my need to read your words, but for yourself.
I’m sorry…. I know I’m letting everyone down…. I always have…. believe me, it has helped alot these past few days, but I can’t do it anymore…. it may seem strange and some people might take this the wrong way…. although the writing and conversation helps…. being around all of this “stuff”…. I can’t get out….
Oh you don’t need to be sorry! I should be! I’m really selfish like that-
I didnt mean to make things worse. It’s just- I guess I liked to lose myself in your words.
But please try- … For yourself.
@VMY – no, no… you didn’t make anything worse….. it can’t get any worse. I understand, I like to lose my self in others art (music, poems) as well… I just can’t see a way out… I’m trying…. if I wasn’t I wouldn’t still be here…. it just ain’t workin
Ok- but I’m sorry for being selfish..
Bad habit…
Do you mind me asking why you can’t see a way out?
I think you’ve done great so far- writing and posting. It’s so hard to try and make things work sometimes. It’s like it doesn’t matter what I do, god just keeps on throwing it back in my face. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough? Who knows.
Do you have a therapist or something who you can talk too?
There’s this thing I’ve read before:
Life’s a *****
If it were easy, she’d be a slut
^a bit random, but I like that quote
*someone, not something
no… there is no one….. who ever is here talking to me…. that’s what I have
If you ask me, life’s a whore…. from all the money I’ve seen thrown at her
so thank you for that @vmy
Have you ever thought about getting a therapist?
For some people, it really helps- for me though, it’s a waste of money… My mum pays this guy $60/hr just to let me sleep on his couch and use his wifi.
Saying that, I fully agree at money being thrown at life.
have had several in my life…. some help a little some don’t at all…. in the end they are just someone who is doing their job so they can get a paycheck…. a paycheck I can’t afford to give them.
in the end, it’s real people who help….
I definitely agree that real people who have/are going through things help more. They just seem to understand and have no ulterior motives I.e wanting money.
I like this website. It let’s me talk about things and no ones going to call my mum and tell her I need to be put back in hospital.
It seems like you have had depression for some time- what strategies did you use in the past to help you? Maybe you could use of them?
this website has been good for me…. definitly saved me last Sunday…
yes, I’ve suffered from depression for over 40 yrs…
I am using the strategies I’ve always used…. talking (like now) and writing…
in fact while we’ve been talking, I wrote a new poem… I’ll post it here in just a minute
This website has in some way saved me… Or at least given me something think about hence, prolonging my life and rethinking suicide.
Seems like you’ve had a rough life. But there’s always hope… A hope that things can get better.
Have you heard of Emily Dickinson? She’s one of my favorite poets. She wrote:
“hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune,
without the words
And never stops at all”
That verse really helps me keep going when I feel hopeless and all’s lost.
I’m really happy you can write and talk and I can’t wait to read your next poem!
this is the worst my depression has ever been….. it just keeps getting worse as I get older… my Dad had Alzheimers…. I will too most likely
I’ve only had 2 bouts where my depression hit rock bottom- when I was 13, and recently. I think I’m terrified of the idea that I’ll always live like this- one of the reasons I feel like suicide is my only option. I don’t want to live a life that goes nowhere. What I’m also so scared of, is that I might get bipolar disorder. I’ve showed symptoms of it but they medicated me straight away. My dad is bipolar and I don’t want another illness. It’ll just be too much.
It’s funny that it’s when you hit rock bottom and your depression seems the worst, you actually get this serious, great artistic streak in you- well that’s just for me maybe. Maybe it’s natures way of helping you get back up?
I really do hope things start to look up for you.
Well…. the reason I’m here and the reason for my handle….. is the fact that I actually survived my first attempt. It was this past Saturday…. and the reason I survived it was pretty coincidental…. I almost didn’t.
Probably one of the reasons it got this bad was that I hadn’t written in a long long time….
I just posted the new one…. titled “Afraid of the Day”….
Usually, I don’t believe in fate- only luck and coincidence, but maybe you were meant to live. Maybe you were meant to live so you could write?
You probably don’t feel this way now, but I’m really glad it didn’t work… Maybe, when things start looking up, you’ll be glad too.
I’ve been through this so many times… I know what it takes to live…. but man… this time is really tough…. this time also, I have no one around to talk to…. before I’ve always had someone close I could talk to… now… I’m relying on this site…..
You and Scooby probably don’t realize (how could you?) that between you tonight and Scooby on Sunday…. you are the only reason I’m still here
I’m really glad I could help. It’s nice knowing you can do something for someone else when you can’t do anything for yourself.
Alot of my friends, they don’t understand. They think I’m just craving attention or being “emo/goth.” but it’s so much more deeper than that.
There are times, when things are really tough, and your whole world seems I fall apart, but I always like to think that there’s hope. But once that’s all gone- I’ll most probably be gone too.
What gives you hope?
I haven’t had much hope lately…. obviously on Saturday I had lost all hope…. right now, I’m trying to find something to believe in… something that will give me the hope that life will turn around…. but I’m finding it very very difficult… more difficult than ever before…. unfortunately, the person closest to me turns out to be like everyone else…. disgusted by the fact that anyone could even THINK of killing themselves… much less actually try it! So there was some lost hope there….. if I can continue to make it thru the day…. one of these days I’ll find enough hope to get out of this hole I’m in right now
I did give blood today…. that should give SOMEone hope 🙂
That’s great that you gave blood! When I was 13, I went mental, and there was this cancer charity where you haves you head for money. So I did it. And it actually felt good after- knowing I’d done good.
It’s really sad that the person you were closest to was unable to accept the idea of depression and suicide but who knows, this could change.
It’s really good that you’re looking for things to give you hope. Do you have any family that means something to you? A pet even? Those are great for helping you get through things.
no one close enough to talk to…. Scooby and I were talking about pets the other day….. I have a cat…. actually two….. and they are closer to me than any human…. I care more about what would happen to them than I do anything else… but they can only do so much…. I know I need to be careful what I wish for, but if they could talk with me….
I have (well had) a dog. I miss her so much. I’m very close to her because when I was in primary school and starting high school, she was the only one I could talk to without being judged- most likely because she couldn’t reply haha.
I don’t want to seem like an over analytical *****, but I’ve noticed in your comments that you tend to do this: … – I’m no expert on that kind of thing, but I use to do that alot too. Do you have a desperate want for something? As in, is there something you really really want but just don’t know how to get? I could just be generalizing but I’m just curious…
Don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.Â
I think that is from having more to say along those thoughts but summarizing because of the forum
and yes, I want something. I don’t know if I would say I don’t know how to get it, but maybe more along the lines of I want what I won’t let myself have.
Is that better? Sorry to be annoying with the whole …. thing.
pets are great for that whole “not gonna tell you what you don’t wanna hear” thing 🙂
Oh it’s not annoying or anything. It’s just I use to do that alot and during that time, I had this “want” for my parents to notice me. It’s kind of stupid really but I was just wondering if it was a pattern. I like to notice my behavior and learn from it.
Btw, about the medication thing, I’d say meds don’t work for everyone but it can be helpful, but it comes down to finding the right kind and dose. Otherwise, it’s useless and you end up just feeling the side effects.
Do you think my being so isolated and private could severely affect my relationships? Not just romantically but in terms of friendships?
that’s a good thing to do, notice behavior and learn from it. most humans could benefit from that. most humans are too consumed with other b.s. to even try to notice their own behavior, much less learn from it. You are very learned and insightful for your age.
So you don’t have a pet now? Can you get one? Some of the best therapy possible in my opinion.
I suppose it could, but only if you let it. You are lucky, you realize things about yourself now. When I was your age, I didn’t know anything about myself. You just have to learn to overcome those things. I mean, if you know you are a very private person, when it comes to intimate relationships, you will have to become less private (at least to that one person) in order for that relationship to last and be successful. Believe me, I’ve learned that one the hard way. It is much easier said than done, at least in my case. Even though I tried to open up, even when I was uncomfortable doing so, most of the time it wasn’t enough.
I think I like to notice my behavior so I can imitate or control it- so others don’t see what’s really going on. As in, when I’m happy, I tend to say “hey” alot. So when I want my friends to think I’m ok, I’ll say “hey” more often.
I had a dog but I moved countries. I couldn’t take her with me so she’s staying with a dog sitter until the time’s right. problem is, I don’t know when the time is so I’m scared it won’t be a long time till I see her.
Weird question, but what are your cats called? My dog was called apple. Haha. Named her when I was 10.
You are in Australia, right? where did you move from?
Apple as in apple of your eye? 🙂
I have a Siamese named Simba (from the Lion King) Simba was originally someone else’s and they named him. My other cat is named Trouble, because, well, she likes to get in or cause it.
I was in Australia. I’m now in Indonesia.
Haha the apple came from favourite food at the time. It was that, or noodles.
Love the lion king 😀 one of Disneys better movies lol.
It seems you really love your cats. I think they should be a part of your “hope.”
Firsttimesurvivor-Â
Thanks for talking
Thanks for sharing
And most of all
Thanks for caring
Not a very insightful poem but nonetheless true.Â
Talking with you has really helped make my day more bearable and I would love to talk more- but sadly, I have an appointment with my psychologist 🙁
I really really hope you can make it through the day but most of all, I hope you can find hope because I think that will help you get through life.Â
Hope to see more of you and your poems on here 🙂 -hopefully in better times.Â
how’s this for hope? I hope I talk to you again 🙂
thanks VMY, I have lasted this long because of you
Haha I think that’s a wonderful idea for hope 🙂
Same goes for me.
I’m really really happy to hear I could be of help.
Take care 🙂