Some time yesterday, I posted what I thought would be my last post here… How wrong I was.
After taking about 20 Ativan and Panadol tablets, I’m still here. All that happened was that I woke up all disorientated and exhausted with my body cramping all over.
I hate how I can’t even kill myself properly. I seem to fail at everything I do. I hate myself.
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were you like… all high or what
No. I just blacked out. When I woke up, I felt like shit- I could barely stand, my legs were all shaky and sore; I had the worst headache in the world.
I’m guessing I was out for around 16-18 hours or so. I took the Ativan and Panadol at about 7.30pm my time and woke up at about 3pm (I think).
It’s now 8pm and I’ve only just shook off more or less all the after effects- Thank God my mum isn’t home…
Vmy I’m so glad you’re with the world, even though you probably had better things in mind. For better or worse, sometimes we’re indestructible. I also once had an experience which should have killed anyone half my size, but here I am. Then you know about FTS’s story where he too was cheated out of death. And the many other stories I’ve read during my short time on this site…
I don’t really believe in guardian angels, but I do believe in the possibility that superior beings (aliens, time travellers, or maybe just your powerful subconscious “soul”) intervene at moments in our lives to keep us going.
For what it’s worth, something happened to keep you alive. Whatever that ‘something’ is, give it a chance. See what it has in store for you. You’ve got nothing to lose, right? Why not stick around for a little while longer to see how the adventure plays out?
I know I’m not the only one, but I’m glad your here vmy. I know you may not feel any better, but I do. Please think about that.
Since my “incident” eleven days ago, I have found this site and had a chance to think about some things. Scooby is right, I thought I had better try and figure out why certain things happened when and how they did. For now at least, I’m gonna stick around a bit, just to do that and to try and repay you and Scubes.
I too am genuinely glad you are still with us. I don’t post often, but I read every day, and I am always willing to talk, offer my help, for what it’s worth.
You should run to the hospital! your liver can be badly damaged ! even if you think you are ok!
correction to my post above, should’ve said: “killed anyone *twice* my size”… “half my size” doesn’t make sense!
Anyway, listen to all these folks vmy. We all want you to stick around! Figure out why the heck we’re all in this boat. There has to be a reason.
Post some more, read FTS’s poetry, chat with a few people here… you’ll feel a little better…
and yeah oracle is right… take care of your liver… if nothing else, drink a ton of water or fruit juice all day & help your liver detox
@Scooby: What is FTS’s story (giz a link) and what is VMY?
vmy- you’re way too young. What are you scared of that’s making you want to do that to yourself. Childhood trauma? It’s the stuff inside you best deal with. There’s no shame in asking for help, we all need it at one time or another. If one really and truly wants to die, then they do….you clearly do not or otherwise you would not be here.
You got a small dose of reality….just because you read about someone over dosing on this or that, does not mean the same will happen to you. It’s good you experienced this….life is quite the teacher eh? Hang in, and find some support. Good luck.
@BoD – You have to sorta read all of FTS’s posts to get the full story… to summarize, it’s about a guy who hit rock bottom with a rope around his neck, and managed to fight his way back by sheer determination & hope.
Here are links to his first 2 posts:
http://suicideproject.org/2011/05/today-was-the-day-2/
http://suicideproject.org/2011/05/yesterday-should-have-been-the-day/
And the rest is in the poetry……
FTS = FirstTimeSurvivor
VMY = vmy19
and of course BoD = Biscuit of Death 😉
@BoD – You have to sorta read all of FTS’s posts to get the full story… to summarize, it’s about a guy who hit rock bottom with a rope around his neck, and managed to fight his way back by sheer determination & hope.
Here are links to his first 2 posts:
**edit** jeez, forgot I can’t post live links on this site :/
suicideproject.org/2011/05/today-was-the-day-2/
suicideproject.org/2011/05/yesterday-should-have-been-the-day/
FTS = FirstTimeSurvivor
VMY = vmy19
and of course BoD = Biscuit of Death 😉
Drugs almost never work. Really, don’t feel bad about getting it wrong; you’re not the first. I have read SO MANY stories about SO MANY failed combinations.
It takes a hell of a perfect combination to put you under permanently and not just do brain/liver/kidney/whatever damage or make you zonk for a few hours. Frankly, if you really want to go out with ingested chemicals, I think it might be easier to try and home-brew cyanide or something like that. Something that’s actually meant to be straight-up lethal poison.
People want to go quietly into that Good Night, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it just doesn’t happen like that (not quietly, not beautifully, not gracefully) for most attempt-ees. If you really want out, you have to be willing to face a $hitton of violent pain, however brief. Or do all of the complicated assisted suicide stuff. Either which.