I am afraid of death. My line of work has put me up close and personal with the reaper himself. I am in my late 30’s and have basically given my life away to everyone, no questions asked. I have teenage children that live with their father because my job required that I live in a certain area and I was on call with over nights required. They have a great life with friends and activities… 🙂
In 2002 I met someone who I thought would be my saving grace, the prince on the white stallion if you will. Years of horrendous verbal, emotional, and some on and off physical abuse, I am at my last thread.
I was asked to leave my employment due to conflict with Law Enforcement and my scope of employment. I was denied Unemployment Compensation, and have been unabke to percure another job due to alienation from my friends, family and co workers to use as reference and my only employment reference fired me.
My children do not call me, return my calls, refuse to see me because fir years I monetarily funded weekend shopping sprees and activities and now since I am unemployed for a year, I cannot keep up with the same practices. My health has took a turn and my teeth are rotting away, and I am suffering from stress.
I have no family and I fear that I have two choices to slowly die from stress, or to just end it on my own…… I can’t sleep or even rest … My mind just runs in circles…
4 comments
Sometimes I long to be in your situation. I daydream about severing all ties and just hitting the road until I find where I belong.
@dad…. For the last year I have researched a great deal about leaving everything. I have debt, bad credit, literally no money as I am supportedby my abuser… He literally says,” I keep you alive” so I guess I fear that if I leave and attempt to start a new identity, life, I worry that I would end up homeless or doing whatever to survive. That scares me worse than death itself.
Out there, there is hope. I promise. You live in such a huge country, there is people all around you. I may not be God, or as good as God, and I cannot safe the world, I cannot see in the future, but I know there is something good for you in the future. You don’t deserve bad things, no one does. This will make you stronger, and in the future, you maybe can keep contact again. Don’t lose your hope. This is a bad period, but the more you fight against it, the closer you’ll come to the end, and everything will turn better. Hang with some friends of yours, and tell them about this, they’ll for sure listen to your problem.
there are* and okay, I’m not perfect at english as well, I’m from Denmark by the way..