…And it just got worse…

So I know I was all happy because things were getting better. But they’re getting bad again.

I can’t go to Canada because it’s too expensive. So now I am staying here all summer and my mom expects me to be social. It’s not much to ask if I was normal. But I’m not and she’ll never understand because I can’t tell her about my depression. I gave her all the clues, I tried to tell her but all that came out was "I don’t want to talk to people." She’s clueless. I’ve even cut myself and she hasn’t noticed.(I’m not doing that for attention. I just started cutting myself and now it feels good when I do. It’s not good, I know.) But I can’t tell her she doesn’t even listen to me when I talk about supper, let alone my mental health.

She wouldn’t believe me. She wouldn’t want to bother with it.

And my friend on the internet? well she got sent to a mental hospital so I can’t talk to her for a while. It sucks because she’s not crazy she doesn’t deserve to be there. She was getting better and this is not helping!!

My eating..well I can’t go more than two days without pigging out.

I can’t even get help because I don’t see a doctor. I haven’t seen one in years, and my mom doesn’t want to bother with it. It costs too much and it’s soo annoying. But the thing is, I know we have the money because they turn around and use it on something pointless that we don’t ever use. Yeah, because going grocery shopping everyday and buying a canoe (even though we live in the desert) is so much more important that our health..

What would you guys do in my situation? I really need some help with this.

I have ocd, depression, I’m a compulsive eater, I’m suicidal, and I can’t tell anyone because of the whole doctor thing.

It looks like I only have one option…