Dreaming

I can feel myself wasting away. The pain that sits inside me is eating me whole. It has been months since I have cried. My body feels to numb to have the energy to let tears flow down my cheeks.

I dream of the day I’ll get the courage to slit my wrists. The day I can finally look at myself in the mirror and believe myself when I say it’s going to be alright. The day I can lay down and rest forever. The day I can finally have some peace to myself. I’ll leave several notes for each person I’d like to remind I love.  Then I’ll lock myself in the restroom and smile, because I don’t have the energy to laugh, when my family tries to break the door.  But by the time they’d reach me, it’d be to late and they’d be screaming and/or crying as the held my cold, smiling body.  Some would just stand there, silently crying, but also happy. Because they know I’m happier wherever I end up. During that whole expierence  I’d be secretly standing next to them, a ghost, forever. Watching them and helping them. I’d be there for my funeral, their weddings, newborns, life, death, etc. Then I’d finally get to hug them again and we’d laugh like old times.

Then again…I’m only dreaming.