I cant do it i just cant. I know he doesnt want to. but its not easy. So much being going on. I know he wants me to be happy and i know i want him to be happy. Even if he is gone. I know if i kill myself i would burn in hell… But i dont want to do that. All i want is it see him. Thats why i cant do this. This is why i need help. I want to do it for him. I dont want to break down no more i want to be strong. I want to be happy for me and for him and everyone else. Where is the confidence that had died in me. Where has everything go when i became like this. I cant be like this anymore i just cant…
2 comments
Other than your hurt and pain, your post is pretty vague.
I have thoughts of the consequence’s of suicide and burning in hell, pretty scary thought.
I just don’t know if thats the reality of what our culture has taught me.
God either is or he isn’t, a 50/50 chance.
If God does exist, is there really a hell ? Just because there is a god all we humans have to on is what religons have told us. They also told us that the world was flat, and Capurnious and Galilao were heritics.
Last night I had a dream that I was with my father in church ( he’s been deceased for 3 years on June 12th 2011 ) and he extended his hand pulled me close and told me he loved me. My grand parents were there and all were smilling.
The catch here is I or my dad hadn’t to church since I was a child other than funerals.
He certainly never told me he loved me.
While this was going on I was completely depressed and have the means to end my life.
I am suicidal as I write this.
I just don’t know what if anything lies beyond human life, I think there is, yet haven’t ever had any visions of hell, only the life I am living at present.
There are a few books left out of the Bible, one of which is said to state that no one goes to hell, every one goes to heaven.
I struggle to hold on to life even when I have the instruments to end it all. One turn of a valve, and or pouring one chemical into another both of which are totally leathal and very quick. Yet I don’t do it.
Hum, I want to live just not with this BS and the pain of life.
i see thats very interesting post. Im just not into religion that much like i hate talking about it and sometimes i just hate going to church but i do anyways. Some of the stuff in the bible well lets just say is very creative like i dont know which verse or what it is but its been my favorite. Its the one with i think it was a farmer or whatever and like he had a man and his women if you want to say. they both were staying there and some of the men from the village went to the guys door and ask to have sex with the guy(hint: probably where homosexually came from i really dont know) but anyways the man refused and insted of giving him the man he gave them the women whom they rape and beat nearly to death. I really dont know how that is my favorite but it reall interest me. I just really dont know what to do anymore i basically gave up on like. I really hope there is a heaven cause i know my best friend up there is safe and happen insted of burning in hell but who really knows where the dead people’s souls will go who knows where we ever will go.