i am writing this while so deep in depression i feel there is no way out…so very hopeless…i can’t leave this world although i want to..i have 3 kids at home 17,14 & 11 my oldest moved out with his fiance & my 1st grandchild & in Nov. there will be another baby…2 grandbabies & i am only 35! I am married & i love my husband, but i hate my life!!  I have no insurance so i can’t even begin to get help, i’m a stay at home mom because i can’t seem to function in the “real world” so no money…as i said hopeless…my husband is not the father of none of my kids, my two eldest are by 1 father & the youngest by another neither fathers pay any child support nor are they ever around so it’s not like i can just leave them behind with nobody & my beautiful granddaughter…when i saw her born in 2009 i thought how sad that another life is being born in this cursed family where everything wonderful stays just out of reach…close enough to know that things could be better, but just far enough away to know that happiness, hope & financial security is unattainable. I often wonder if i had just a little bit of  money so that we could eat better,  go places , fix up this shitty house or even keep the electric on w/o having to choose between food or pay bills if i would feel any better!…idk the answer to that simply because i’ve been raising kids since i was 16 & their dads are losers who do not help…i know what your thinking…i should have went back to school…HA! between that & childhood thats where i was damaged where my own personal hell began. idk why i’m even bothering writing this it doesn’t mean things will get better & who gives a crap anyways? my life is so screwed….in a Led Zeppelin song he says “there’s still time to change the road your on” NOT TRUE! i have put so much energy into trying to fix my life & just when i think i’m getting somewhere…Bang!…something comes up & i’m farther back then when i started….&  with that hopelessness creeps back up.
4 comments
“I am married & i love my husband”
Then what you need is help and support from your church and community! Also talk to your husband or some friend about these issues, if you can.
Your obviously going through a “30’s chrisis” wich is especially hard on women. Please dont give up!
i wish it was a “30”s crisis but it’s not i have been battling these feelings for over 20 yrs! my husband? he watches me struggle with life every day…he plays the ps3 as soon as he’s home from work….. to escape me. I need a Dr. but w/o insurance it’s never gonna happen…..so how can i not feel hopeless…..my husband works so hard for us but does not make enough to cover food or any extras like camping, fishing, swimming or even gas to go somewhere free! we are consistently borrowing from his mother to eat! as for church…i can barely make it out of bed some days.
Sounds bad. Ofcourse i will pray for you.
To be perfectly honest around 90% of the people on this website are teens that are having a bad day. Not too many adults here, especially over the age of 30.
I really dont know what to say in your shoes and situation. I myself dont have a family, and never plan on getting one. Made the decision when i was 8-years old, but thats another story. Have no motive to spread my genes around. Theres already enough Ethiopians in the world, believe me!
You really need help from god. I believe he can help you. If you comit suicide, you will feel the pain you have caused to others. That is all im trying to say. One of the reasons i never wanted to start a family. So i could leave whenever i wanted without “cosmic payback”
You have to try praying to god. Hes loves you very much, particularly BECAUSE you are a woman! God understands you very well. He knows, that women like you bare the brunt of marriage, while the husbands gets mostly all the fun. He knows!
Your 3 children are growing up fast, but it looks like you have another on the way. Here in Finland where i live womens rights are well protected. They have access to easy abortion, wellfare, and in a divorce they always automaticly get 50% of there husbands property. I pity you.
No matter what happens, you must understand that god loves you. We often say that god “loves you” but you see, god doesent simply love;he UNDERSTANDS!
God feels all your pain! God would understand if you comited suicide, since he KNOWS! However remember, that you still have a husband and kids. Are you willing to leave them behind?
What im saying is;the choice is yours! God will judge you, as he judges us all. The inner part of us wich is god. However that judgment will always be based on mercy and deep knowledge of your situation. God understands the position you are in. He will not cast the first stone. He is not like that. However it might take decades before you ever see your children again. What about the little child already living inside of you? Do you want to have an abortion?
These are all things to consider. You must also give your marriage atleast one more change, before you just give up. However, you dont need to live a life of suffering, hardship and constant sacrifice. It doesent need to be that way. If you really feel you cannot take it anymore, then ofcourse there are altertatives like abortion. Remember;god would never ask from you anything he woulnd’t be willing to go throig himself. That is the golden rule!
God is all about forgiveness. Suicide is NEVER just! It is never “right” Never! However it is not condemned in the bibble. It is always a sin against gods creation and hes universe. However it is not an unforgivable sin. You just have to be ready to except help from the spirit guides on the other side, thats all!
Joneshenry
Do you think 90% here are teenagers going through a bad patch,then they will get better and get a life?I hope they do,but am I one of the rare older ones then that hasn’t got any better.That don’t make me feel too good