Still Continuing the Struggle

When I finally think I’m happy, something always goes wrong. I can never get anything right. I keep struggling uphill in the pouring rain and hail without a coat and I expect to win. Sometimes I’ll get a few steps up, but something always sends me tumbling back down. I really should stop expecting things to change because they never do. But for some reason, I can still hold on to hope even though it hurts me more in the end. I don’t even know what I’m trying to gain from writing this. A small release from the pain? Except that never goes away fully, even when I have a false sense that everything might turn out not so bad. All I know is I’m drowning in the pain tonight.