I’ve been ostracized. I’ve been victimized. I’m vulnerable. I’m broken. Emptiness lingers at the top my fingers as the rest against my cold shiny comfort of my blade. I’ve stared at walls. I’ve been thrown up against them. Beaten to the ground. Trying to cover my ears so it can muffle the sound. The sound of sorrow. The sound of my life. I’ve never belonged. Incapable of emotional attachments. Afraid of trust. But not death. Cause death is my friend. He promised to take me to lunch. The final supper. I will feast. I crave for companionship. Someone to hold me. Nothing more nothing less. Like a book I’m worn and torn to pieces. I’ve been used and bought countless times. Iv been opened. Not liking what they see. Slam me shut. So I can take my place back in my corner where I can be confined….lost. Unsure if I wanna be found.
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hiya ppl ive been watching all of ya for a while now and im glad that ya all still here 🙂
ive been keeping tabs on a friend of mines and i just wanna say this is as deep as it gets lol
Someday Anna I’ll be there for you. I just need to work on my own issues and fight to get better. I love you.
I’ll be fine I love you too
umbra, what a bitter….
mann,,,
Huh? Hey X-Boy how’s it been?
suffocating again? sorry about that. but it’ll get fixed once the operation is done.
hey liz, im just,,
what?
yeahh,,, but i dont even think so, cause the doc said,, it is likely to come back,, depending how bad it is,,,
oh that is kinda like harsh news sorry
if it does get cured,, to me that’ll be a miracle
aah fawk, but, i don’t know we’ll see what happens =)
time to pray and believe in jesus christ =P
how about i get the christians to pray for you?
haha, o yeah? what do you mean?
how about you, doing better?
i dunno. but the christians here really believe and once i believed too when i was younger. they prayed for my depression to cease and it did go away for awhile but it came back when i stopped believing and i became an atheist.
i guess i’m doing ok. just been sleeping most of the day.
haha the tip of my nose is cold
oo =)
Praying,,, i kind of,,, believe it can effect… so you go to church? Can you really ask the Christians to pray for me? That would be,, nice
oo, are you feeling cold though?
my heart feels cold, it’s kind of, unpleasant
i need to get myself some hot tea, and a heater, you should get yourself a heater too. Man,,, usually by this time of the year i’d be sleepin’ with nuthing but my shorts,,, and here i am with 2 blankets,,, fully clothed, double stack…
I don’t go to church. But the christian community here is really nice and supportive. I’ll go ask them to pray for you today.
Not really cold. Just tired and hungry.
the world is changing, i can tell, and… it’s quite obivious, i guess only ignorant people wouldnt notice, or give mind to… i feel,, like i am one with the earth… sorry if im gettin weird on you or wahtever, but yeahh
Liz that would be so awesome liz, tell them my heart feels cold..
haha i sleep with two blankets too. and the best fuzzy pajamas i ever owned. really warm.
o and thank you liz, i really really really appreciate that
I will tell them.
ha, nioce
lucky my nose isn’t too bad right now…lucky..
‘one with the earth’ that isn’t weird at all. my people speak like that. i don’t. cuz i don’t really know about that stuff since my cultural teacher died years ago. he told the best stories and he was super funny. =)
i don’t remember much about the stories though.
hey but mhmm, about the prayer thing don’t tell them just yet actually, let’s wait for when the time comes
Cultural teacher, like from school?
ok will do
yeah im like a super spiritualist, that’s what i call it i guess
yup. i used to want to be a teacher like him. teach kids about the language and traditions. but that dream died when he did.
from heart failure.
mhmm i see
=\
have you gotten any of those sudden chills and shakings lately?
one day i was finishing up an assignment he asked for us to do. five pages of writing in my native language, i was super excited to show him the work that i did only to return to school and they made an announcement that he had passed away. it… broke my heart.
🙁 sorry i’m crying now just remembering. it’s finally raining outside.
no. not really. weird…
=)
maybe that’s what i need to do. teach the youth about my people’s sacred traditions. i’m not really sure though.
sacred traditions, sounds interesting to me =)
but the thing is i don’t know much about it. i listen to christian songs being sung on the radio in my native language and i’d just sit there and try to understand half of what they’re singing about. i only get bits and pieces of it. but it sounded beautiful and i just wanted to learn more.
.=)
i remember this one story about how all the birds got their colors. it was mostly about a crow who boasted on how he would be the most beautiful bird to be painted by nature’s artist. he harassed the eagle the most out of all the birds. well get this the crow and the eagle were the two last in line to be painted. the only colors left were brown, white & black. the eagle got the first two colors and the crow got black. so much for all his boasting.
haha
i wonder what happens next,, what happens to the crow..
ha, i guess im just making this more complicated than what it should be =b
i don’t really know. i don’t remember the whole story. :]
another story i know is about the sasquatch. i only remember the last part where he broke into an old man’s house. the old man was hiding in the closet and he was cursing to himself for having left his shotgun on the table. but the sasquatch was curious and stupid, he took the shotgun and looking at it until eventually he was pointing the barrel at his face. without knowing what would happen he pulled the trigger and he shot himself. the old man couldn’t believe his eyes.
the crow is just reminding of an episode from Bebop. You’ve watch the series right?
nope. never watched bebop
wow, what kind of story is that
never watched bebop?! waaaht,,,,, wAAAATHH??!?
you’re in for some good treat thenn
a story from what the funny elders in my town always liked to tell to make the children laugh. my classmates liked that story especially when the teller got to the last part. they laughed so hard but i couldn’t cuz of my mutism back then.
i’ll check it out sometime then
i watched Witchblade today. ever seen it?
and yeah i been wanted to say this.. about this post that Broken posted, i guess i just wanted to say that her voice is being heard and ma heart goes out to her. Of course i’m sure liz feels the same way.
of course i feel the same way. Anna you know i do! <3
nope, i’ll chek it out on youtube right now though
:3 i’ve got the entire series in a box set. i like it. yeah…
Cowboy Bebop OST 1 – Space Lion
^youtube that if you want, it’s a soundtrack from Bebop, the crow reminded me of this song, i guess if you watch the series you’d know why, but yeah you should most definitely check out the Series
haha ALRIGHT LET mE sEE, so then i can JUDGE YOU >=)
i got the entire series for bebop =)
okay ^- ^
lalalaaa la laaaaa
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haha im just tired of my life maAaaan
hmm… nice song.
Sunday Night and the Rain is Falling uh? I love it, a perfect Blues Night.
haha nice song? it’s depressing as hell,,, it’s, beautiful..
yea it is a nice song =)
yup
hey…whatcha doing? ^- ^ t.v?
x-boy? asleep? …b…a…o…
naa just, doing nothing,
hmm… ok.
busy doing nothing here too
lol
wanna hear another story?
or see? yeah cuz you see words not hear them
read them yup
haha, liz liz liz, little liz
biz biz biz around she does, biz biz
my little liz
little yes i am. i can’t even reach the top of my closet so i gotta get myself a chair to stand on. =P
hey do you ever bang your head on doorways cuz ur so tall?
haha not eveennnnnnnnnnnnnn, im not that tall, hahah you’re just,,, so short ! =b
^- ^ i’ve learned to accept it. being short has its own advantages like getting discounts when people mistake you for a tween =P
ok here’s another.
this one is about a man who came home to his wife one day. he wanted to show his wife something new he discovered from travelling. the mirror. the wife wasn’t home at the time so the husband went to go hunt for some game. he left the mirror at home in plain view. when the wife got home along with the husband’s mother she found the mirror and looked into it. since she never seen a mirror in her life before she thought it was a photograph of another woman and assumed her husband was cheating on her. she got extremely jealous and broke down into angry tears. the husband’s mother asked what was wrong. the wife explained and handed the old lady the mirror. the old lady looked into it then scowled at the wife and said, “what the hell are you talking about? this woman is goddamn ugly!”
the wife burst into more tears and cried, “are you blind?! you old bag that woman is beautiful!”
later on the husband arrived back home and found the two of them bickering over the mirror. when he knew what was going on he could only laugh at them for their foolishness and told them it was a mirror.
end of story cuz that’s all i remember.
that reminds me of an interesting story, what could have been the most awesome night of my life !
lol waoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thanks for wasting my TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, n for puttin a smile on my face even though it isn’t compatible with my mood ! =)
how are you doing?
man why do i even ask. you already told me numerous times. sorry.
maybe i feel the same way planet earth feels
(=
r u crying? just asking o.O
haha noooooooo, ha sorry liz, for, this side of me, i think, i guess i just need to be alone right now
it’s okay really :] sorry
i’ll go sleep now. bye.
i mean it’s okay to feel that way. not the crying part. just you being you. if you want to be alone then i’ll give it to you
right so i’m tired now. gotta sleep! ^- ^
goodnight x-boy. <3
nighty night sweet liz