I want to be myself
But my depression won’t let me
It’s like some monster that has captured me
I’m not the same
It forbids me to have any fun
It wants me dead
And it gets rid of anyone that stops that feeling
That feeling that you’re not worth anything
And even the simple things
That make you happy
It makes sure you don’t enjoy them
It makes me hate the sight of anyone
But mostly
It makes me hate life
And wish I was never even born.
People underestimate the power of this monster
They don’t see what it does to someone
How it slowly
Day
By
Day
Tears you apart
But the sad thing is
As long as you wear a smile
People think everything is ok
When you know
That’s far from the truth.
How are you supposed to get better
When no one is there for you
When people don’t know what’s wrong
They tell you to stop being so lazy
To just get out of bed
Just make friends
I’m disappointed in you
You have no friends
You’re not worth my time.
It’s not my fault
I try my best
But my best just isn’t good enough
Stop yelling at me
You don’t understand
I didn’t choose to be like this
People just don’t like me
I tried to make friends
But they think I’m too weird
I can’t be myself anymore
I haven’t been myself in soo long
That I don’t even know who that is anymore
Maybe if so many people haven’t betrayed me
Then it wouldn’t be so bad
If only someone would love me for who I am
Not who they want me to be
Or who they think I am.
I don’t know what to do
I want to be myself
But I just can’t because I get so depressed
And people are just so clueless
They have no idea
That something is wrong
They just want me to be funny
And happy
And they don’t want to deal with me
Get out of the house
Make friends
Be who you used to be.
But It’s not that easy
Because I don’t even have the courage
To tell you what’s wrong.
I don’t have the energy to tell you that
I’m dying…
37 comments
This made me just burst into tears. Its everything that I’ve been holding inside and just can’t get out. I know. Its hard to be yourself. I’m still not myself. You’re right its not your fault that you can’t be what everyone wants you to be. You’re not suppose to be anyway. You’re suppose to be you. And you can’t be yourself when everyone is attempting to carve you into a perfect mold. I know how you feel and I know it won’t mean anything but I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this.
thank you it actually means a lot to me that you said that. good luck yourself.
How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking.
14
you?
17. Well I can say that I’ve been where you are.
well that’s good to know. how are you right now?
(aside from the friend thing) Are you ok?
Well right now I’m making it. My girlfriend that I’ve been with for years left me in February, That stills kills me,but now i have to focus on Graduating high school and college. All in all I’m fine. I still have no real friends, but that’s just me. You know? Life’s what you make it. Like Hannah Montana said haha (sorry for that lame joke)
my boyfriend just broke up with me and i feel like my world has ended, it doesnt help he is making me feel like a piece of shit. i know how you feel about everything. not feeling wanted, not only by friends, but it is the worst when your family doesnt even see you.
jarch-that’s good that you’re doing better. and I say that all the time haha
isthereanyonelikeme- Im sorry. but yeah it is.
Ixhatexmyxname- Things will get better. I promise. Especially at your age. When i feel down now I just listen to music and write down what i feel, and i write on this site time to time when i feel that i need someone..which is like always but from my few years in therapy i learned that its not good to keep anything inside cause it’ll lead to an explosion(sorry for being obvious) and my explosions were two suicide attempts along with three weeks in a mental hospital. Just always try to find a way to get everything out besides doing anything to hurt you or anyone else.
isthereanyonelikeme- I felt that feeling before. If I’m right your heart stops and you stomach feels 1000 times heavier. I wanted to die the moment when my girlfriend left me. It’s been 5 months and I still think of her everyday. Why doesn’t your family want to see you?
they just dont like me. im the youngest of four, and i think they have given up. im still really young, but i just dont feel like i have anything to look forward to, no purpose in this world. they all went away this weekend and i am home alone. i think my time is up.
isthereanyonelikeme – do you love your family?
of course. but i resent them for everything they are doing.
If you died they’d miss you. How long were you and your boyfriend together?
we were together a year and eight months. and theyd miss me for a short while. they would get over it.
You’re the youngest they couldn’t just get over it. It would hurt them more than you’re hurting right now. That was a long relationship. why did he break up with you?
i honestly dont even know. he said he needed space.
Is he older than you? Sorry for all the questions.
This made me cry..But, It really inspired me to get help..I have so many problems & I can’t talk to anyone about them..Keep writing, I would enjoy reading more of your writing..(: & There was one time..I almost killed my self and my little sister saved me..I just hope you get your help..I’m always here if you need me..
yes he is.
I always thought that when older guys go out with younger girls they act like jerks. Well i don’t know. I am a guy and maybe older to you, but that’s just what i think. Things are always gonna hurt. You just have to try and get your mind off things.
i just dont think anyone loves me anymore. you most likely are older than me.
Well I’m 17 I think that stills counts as young. People love you. No matter what someone will always love you.Especially your family. You don’t wanna die to just look down at earth to try to prove that your family won’t care when they’ll be heartbroken.
im 16.
and i know this sounds wrong, but i want them to feel heartbroken.
Do you want them to feel the way you feel? so..like they can understand?
exactly.
Have you told them how you feel?
yes, they dont understand at all. its almost like they dont want to believe it. so they live in denial.
Have you ever tried to kill yourself before?
yes.
I want to tell you to prove to them that it’s real but that’s just telling you to kill yourself. Now i feel stupid :/ . You should write a letter to them.
thats a good idea. thank you for trying to help me. youre a really good person.
You’re welcome. If you ever need to talk I’ll give you my facebook if you’d like. But you seem like a smart girl. Just don’t let things push you over and talking to someone always helps. Glad i could help.
well thanks for the advice jarch and thegirlintheshadows. you guys are great.
Your welcome..My mom she died when I was 7 & my dad walked out before I was born..I know how The whole love thing Is..I’m 14..& I Know way to much.
you wanna talk? you can if you want, here’s my e-mail: xcraziexgoodx@ hotmail.com
did you post a suicide letter on here? if it was you i don’t think you should do it.