I just need to get some things off of my chest. I’ve never been so excited about dying, nor have I ever been so certain of my decision to die until now. Staying optimistic about life has proved to be absolutely useless, since I now know that my birth and very existence have been a mistake. I am one of the damnned individuals who was not “placed” in this life for a purpose. I was not “blessed” with good looks, intelligence, money, or a talent of any kind. I am 23 years old and have absolutely no friends. Every guy that I’ve dated has only taken advantage of me, of which reason I have no one else to blame but my own foolish self; how completely naive and pathetic of me to think that any man would really want me, other than for sex. The last man I recently dated, who I believed had truly loved me, told me so many lies. Yet, despite all the red flags and the warnings from family members and my psychologist, I continued to trust him and sleep with him (I’m embarassed to say, without protection), even lend him money, which I never received back. Someone with such stupidity, like myself, undoubtedly deserves to die.
One can only take so many disappointments….I’ve been through several psychologists, psychiatrists, inpatient treatments, and medications since the age of 16, and they are all a damn joke. I’m now simply waiting for my final helium tank and tank fittings to arrive, so that I can give myself the proper treatment I’ve been in need of for so long. I just can’t wait…
Anyway, thanks for reading….
2 comments
i bet theres a good chance you will find a relationship that enhances your life rather than takes away from it, there are good times
I know how you feel! I am 55 years old and have much the same history as you except that I have only recently realized my husband of 17 years is a sociopath. I can’t believe a word he says, everything I thought I knew about him is a lie. I have so much debt because of him that I can’t take care of it myself. He makes good money but has borrowed so much from associates and friends that they are about to take legal action and his salary, perhaps his job, will be gone. I have only a part-time job and there are no full time jobs where we live. I have no hope of getting out of this mess. The shitstorm is about to hit and I can’t be here when it does! But how to get out? After researching several methods I feel that the only way to go is to drive head on into a semi truck. Ideas?