I don’t know anymore..

I just.. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know anything anymore. I feel so alone, all the time.  I’m jealous of other people, I’m jealous of what they have. What their lives are like, when they’re with their boyfriends/girlfriends..

I’ve been through tough times before.. I’ve self-harmed, quite badly.. but never enough to risk my life, but sometimes I wish I did. . I’ve lost so many people in my life, yet only one by death. She meant everything to me, she practically raised me.. My nanna died about 2 years ago now, not a day goes by that I don’t miss her. Everyone else I’ve lost has just walked out of my life, or I left them. I moved from my dad’s to my mums.. leaving everyone I new behind, leaving my friendships behind. They were the most important things to me.. my friends. They meant the world to me.. They still do. But it sucks I can’t be there for them anymore. Yeah, I have new friends here, but only one of them compares to the ones I had at my dad’s.. But I guess that’s probably because I’m starting to think I like her as more than a friend. Yes, I’m bi-sexual, not that anyone knows except of a couple of people I’d trust with my life.. Not ‘come out of the closet’ yet.

Speaking of losing people.. all my relationships end just as they’re at the peak of the relationship.. My ex ex boyfriend thought I cheated on him because of stupid little rumors. And then my ex boyfriend broke up with me for some BULLSHIT reason.. And I know it’s bullshit because he said apparently we didn’t talk or see each other. We talked ALL the time, he was the one who never texted me back, and we saw each other at school everyday and then he always came to mine after school and saw me.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this.. I guess I just needed to get my feelings out..

You know the show Glee? For some reason I feel myself being jealous of the two gay guys in it called Kurt (Chris Colfer) and Blaine (Darren Criss) they are everything I ever wanted to be..

I guess that’s it for now.. I’ve said all i needed to.. If you read this, thanks for taking the time..