KILL ME NOW
KILL ME NOWÂ KILL ME NOWÂ KILL ME NOWÂ KILL ME NOWÂ KILL ME NOWÂ KILL ME NOW!!
I’M INSANE! I GET IT GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW. I HATE YOU. I HATE ME. LET ME DIE.
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whats wrong
Everything.
hey lonely 🙂
want to talk about it
No not really. But I do want a shot gun.
hmm…cant help yah there.
3 sane people ? lol
I’m not one of em either. Shhhh.
lol
Lucy, you’re supposed to make people feel better about themselves not make them feel worse! Also, you obviously don’t get the point in this site.
And the name “The Psycho *****” comes from people like you who tell me I sound like a serial killer. Thank you for being like every other insufferable human being I knew in my life time. :/ It shows what people think I am. Thank you. -_-
Hello,
I can say that I have wanted to write out something very similar to your post innumerable times. You don’t sound like a serial killer, you sound like someone who is in a lot of pain, and probably being hurt by somebody.
I think you are a very special person. Just for the record.
Also, I admire you for standing up against Lucy. I think you are very clear.
So everything’s wrong, huh? Anything can be viewed as “wrong” by somebody, just as anything can be viewed as “right.” That doesn’t mean it is…and it doesn’t mean it isn’t. Things are only as valid as we make them. Which sounds a lot simpler than it is, but whatever.
The bottom line is…there are ways to deal with those things that are wrong, and clearly from your statement to Lucy you are here because you want help. However, if you don’t at least give us a hint, I’m afraid it will be difficult for us to help you. 🙂 If you change your mind about talking about things, please feel free to talk to me. I promise I won’t judge you and I’ve wanted to scream, “KILL ME,” so many times it’s not even funny. Take care and be safe ♥♥
Sweetheart, you chose your username. Not me. Why? You see something I didn’t see, cause I don’t know you. Shouting at people doesn’t help your cause.
I’m not trying to hurt you, you just sound very angry. No offense meant.
@Mercy: Thank you for understanding… I’ve posted here about 5 times actually… http://suicideproject.org/2011/07/i-cant-do-it-i-cant-do-it-i-cant-do-it/
@Lucy: It’s only good to assume that people shout here are less angry and more upset/extremely depressed. There’s no way to express it sanely at some points in time as most people on here should know. Words just come out.
You put it in a way that hurt. I have the user name ‘ThatPsychoBitch” because “psycho” and “*****” are the two names people frequently call me without good cause. It’s been said so many times I nearly believe I’m insane, and I know I’m a *****.
TSB; I don’t know you so I won’t call you either. If you want to insult me I’ll turn the other cheek. This website is so goddamn depressing….I’m going to start lurking and not posting. I have nothing to offer anybody. Advice, humor, nada. Everybody is offended. Best Wishes TSB.
Lucy: I haven’t insulted you and if I have I apologize. Though you say you won’t judge me because you don’t know me, others do… Hence the name. It’s been engraved into me, and it’s a reputation around people I’ve known for years without me even trying… That or “Psycho emo poser” Either way, psycho I am…
Also, this *is* a depressing site. I mean “Suicide Project” There’s not humor to be found too much in such a site.
I read your other post in that link you gave me. Is this person a friend, family member, significant other? If you don’t mind my asking…
Do you live with this person? Obviously you are not happy with them and I know it might be complicated, but leaving should definitely be an option to consider. If you get out of this person’s grasp you can most certainly move upward in your life more easily.
Also, chances are you’re not a *****. You are unhappy, and often our response when we are unhappy is to do less-than-happy things. It doesn’t make you a ***** and it doesn’t make you psycho. It just means you are upset.
@Mercy: I believe I’m a *****, I’m very straight forward and dont’ sugar coat things too often unless the person is extremely fragile… and can’t stand when people are acting in what I view to be “stupid”…
He’s my boyfriend/fiance. I live with him. We’re 9 years apart in age difference. Sometimes everything is great and we’re happy and make jokes, at the moment we’re okay… Other times he’s an asshole who doesn’t listen, has no common sense, and I can’t stand… He doesn’t like advice, and calls me a ***** or “bitchy” a lot when he’s upset…
Well, if you believe you are one I am certainly not going to argue. But I will say that refusing to sugar-coat things, as I tend to do, is different than being bitchy.
So are you happy with him? If he is your fiance, do you think you will be happy as his wife, too?
i think your words and anger sound like a pretty sane reaction to a situation where everything feels wrong and there is no foreseeable (sp?) end or solution. I know feeling like that (and wanting to scream “KILL ME NOW!” among other things) is what fueled the search that led me to this site.
clearly i don’t know the specifics of what’s going on for you, but i’m sorry there has been and continues to be so much pain in your world, whatever or whoever the cause (or causes) may be.
i heard it said once that humans can endure almost anything, as long as they know there’s an end point. but when it comes to chronic pain of any kind (physical, emotional, or any other kind that may exist), where the pain just does not end, and you have no idea when/how/ or if it will, it is “crazy making,” (not that you are crazy, just that it can feel crazy- or at least, it makes me feel crazy to be in constant pain). it just becomes overwhelmingly intolerable to the point that words really don’t begin to describe it. even the most masochistic of masochists would at some point want to scream “JUST KILL ME ALREADY!” only, you know, a hell of a lot more swearing. i’m just not sure if they block posts for that here. and, to be honest, at times, i have also wanted to scream things of a more homicidal nature as well when i was mad enough.
anway, i wish i had something exceedingly profound to say, or some kind of answer, or anything that would help. but i admire your courage in being so honest. i think a lot more people think and feel stuff like that, whether they admit it, or are aware of it or not. it my humble opinion, it takes a lot more balls to express and acknowledge emotions than to hold them in.
Right now, things are complicated… We both live under my dad’s roof, my fiance (I will refer to as T) has no job because of his sister who he used to live with, he was kicked out because he refused to give her his pain medication any longer– therefore he lost the house she “let” him live in though he paid most of the rent, the job he got because of her being a whore, his primary doctor because she was dating him, and most of his things… Though we snuck in and got his most important items before she got home…
Now we’re waiting for his settlement from his personal injury case from an accident he got in back in 2009. I didn’t know him until mid 2010 mind you…
I try to make him seem as good of a guy as possible to people I know… Never ***** about him except on here and to my closest (almost my only real) friend. I don’t even complain to my therapist! She likes him too much…
But my closest friend almost hates his guts even though he’s sweet to her. She looks more at the bad than the good like I do.
He’s extremely loyal, won’t even look at a half naked woman walking down the street… But… He’s too rough. People are afraid of him by his appearance (thin, broad shoulders, toned muscles but still under weight for his age (26)– but long black hair, 2 facial piercings, tripp paints/chains, black nail polish, and thick black eyeliner, scares people. )
He’s sweet to everyone normally, sometimes he just breaks and gets extremely angry– always yelling at me. He’s never hit me– but I think i’d rather be hit than insulted considering I could kick his ass in a second…
He has admirable physical strength– our punching bag fell out of the ceiling from him barely hitting it… He pretended to be angry at my brother and kicked 2 (full, big, and brand new) cans of food just barely and dented them both in completely… he broke our TV remote just by clenching it in his fist… So he’s intimidating.
he’s a big baby, and a brat, and has no common sense what so ever. He’s obsessed with older video games from his child hood… His mother died with him in her arms while in her bed when he was 5 from suicide, his dad died from a heart attack when he was 12… I think, anyway. He doesn’t talk much about his past if it’s over 8 years ago. He’s not easily traumatized and I’m the only person he’s ever told his mother about. When the last 2 girls he dated (Who were far worse than me in behavior, last with him 2-3 years. )
I realize it’d be easier if I treated him with tenderness too, but when I do he doesn’t return the favor… I do a lot for him, and I mean BIG things (finding him games, researching things that take hours, going out for 5 hours to sit in a car while I have a high fever and stomach flu ((I threw up later that night))) so he can get his medication from some asshole. ) … He does a lot of little things (making food that takes 5 minutes, getting up to turn on the fan, maybe cuddling me at night when I always cuddle him no matter what) and i can’t stand it because he always holds those things against me to make me do those bigger things! Sometimes he acts like a 7 year old…
I think I’m talking too much.
I definitely agree that he acts like a seven-year-old sometimes… First of all, he needs a job, and if it means changing his appearance at least for interviews and stuff, then so be it. I have the same problem, even though I don’t have any piercings or anything I’ve been known to wear tripp stuff, my hair is dyed at least three to six colours at all times, and my everyday ring is a black spike. But when it comes to trying to find a job, I clean up.
At 26 he should be able to at least support you emotionally, and it sounds like you do more for him than he does for you. I recently was in a relationship a bit like this but maybe less complicated as we didn’t live together or anything, but he wanted me to marry him and essentially he wanted me to mother him, too. He was very emotionally manipulative and I felt like the only thing he did for me was buy me flowers…which are nice, but I’m not going to marry flowers… Breaking up with him, although difficult because he definitely made me pay for it, was one of the greatest things for me.
Also, it has been proven that emotional abuse is worse than physical. Studies and statistics and stuff can tell you that. I have often wished that the person who was abusing me would only hit me–I dealt with mild physical abuse and a lot of verbal abuse–because I knew I could deal with that. I don’t know why, but physical abuse, physical injuries….somehow they seem easier to deal with.
That doesn’t make emotional abuse or physical abuse right.
And if he is not treating you like you want to be treated, then you should rethink marrying him. If you are truly happy with him, then marry him–and it seems like you’re not, because you are here posting these unhappy things. And no relationship is completely free of problems, but just because there are some good things doesn’t mean it’s the right one for you.
I don’t really want to convince you to break up, per se, because I don’t really believe in that, but when a relationship is bad, then it’s bad. Also, you can love somebody and that somebody can love you back and it still be the wrong relationship for you.
If it’s your dad’s house then in theory, if you were to break up, you could kick him out…if he refuses to leave or stalks you or something awful like that, you can always get the police involved, I know it sounds bad and you care about him, but remember, you have to take care of yourself first. You are the only person you can change in this world. Take care. ♥♥
He has an extremely fear of police/cop/security because of an event that happened where he was innocent.
He does change his appearance for interviews, he can get a job immediately from walking into an interview… The problem is getting the interview. Economy and such… He’s a salesman, and an amazing one too. He’s also good at haggling… Our car is a 94 Lexus, that he got for 1800$ when he had the money. The guy originally wanted 2600$ for it. Not sure if it’s because T is Jewish or not so… Heh…
He never really had a mother, and he does act like a brat when he’s told to do something by my dad when he’s pissy. :/ He does it but he’s kind of obliged to.
I could never kick him out… If it doesn’t get better after the first few months we’ve moved out– I’ll leave. I’ve never had a relationship this serious before… I need to make it work the best I can before giving up…
Well, if he’s a good salesperson, he might want to use that ability to bug the manager into an interview. I understand about the economy…I’ve been trying to get a job now for quite some time. See if he can make it his job to get a job. 🙂
Well, I think that’s a good goal to set for yourself, about if it doesn’t get better in the next few months you’ll leave. I certainly relate to wanting to make a relationship work, I spent triple the time with somebody I knew from the start wasn’t going to work. But I kept trying. Good luck, I think you have a sound head on your shoulders. Keep track of what you want out of life and don’t ever let anybody take it away from you. Take care, okay?