I feel like crap. I’m a teenage girl, and I’ve realized that I will always be treated like shit. most guys are so fucking independent, and most girls are so dependent on guys. and notice I say the word “most” because there are some others that are different, it’s just so fucking hard to find the different ones. I so badly want a guy that practically needs me to live, I know that’s really selfish, but I can’t help it. that’s the way I am, I need someone to live. I’ve tried to find my own happiness in anything I can, I’ve tried about everything, but nothing works. I was starting to starve myself, and i was actually getting happier as I got skinnier. but my dad is making me eat now, he said it will make me happier. how stupid is that?! FORCING his daughter to eat!! I hate it!! he wants me to get fat because he thinks it will make me happy. he’s just making it worse!! you know what, I will give him his birthday present. (before I EVER get fat). just grab the rope and pull it around my neck. ” dear dad, thanks for trying to make me fat because you thought it was right even though you were totally wrong, I was elated being skinny. but you couldn’t see that because you were blinded by my past scars. well, here’s my present to you. oh, and please take me off the rope before my siblings see me, I don’t want them to freak out. happy birthday dad.”
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
How much do you weigh?
Also, there is a difference between losing weight by starving one’s self and losing weight by eating properly and going on a diet that will cause you to lose weight. If you starve yourself, you have to deal with a lot of nasty stuff like malnutrition, infertility, heart problems, osteoporosis, fatigue, and of course for the rest of your life, since your body was literally starving, you will have to deal with worse weight issues, as your body will want to pack on fat in case you ever starve again.
I used to think malnutrition was just something that happened if you starved when you were a little kid, but it can happen at any age, to anybody. And it’s crazy what happens to your body. I just took two anatomy courses and, wow, eating disorders screw your body up…
Furthermore. I used to feel like my parents were deliberately trying to kill my happiness by taking all the things I cared about or that made me happy away. However, I realise now that they were trying to help me. Whether they did or not is another issue, but it is your dad’s job to take care of you and keep you safe, and part of that is making sure you are well-fed and have proper nutrition.
My best friend is anorexic, and I know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel like you are thin enough. But I will say that when you meet the right guy, he will love you more than you thought possible, and he will love you even if you are as big as house. He will miss you when you’re gone and if you die now, you will never have the chance to meet him.
I wanted to hang myself too, and I was so suicidal that you could have probably handed me a gun or a noose and I wouldn’t hesitate. However, I was lucky enough to have that one person who made me promise not to try, and it was all I could do to keep that promise, but I did. I changed my behaviour and my attitude towards my situation–in other words, the only reason anybody wants to commit suicide is because they are in pain and they want to end that pain. So I stopped wanting to end the pain so badly, I decided I wasn’t going to worry so much about ending the pain. I decided to accept it and live with it. And guess what?
I’m here. I can’t pretend I’m happy all the time and I don’t. Depression will be a struggle for me for the rest of my life. But I am no longer suicidal and I AM happy sometimes, which is what I use to hold me together when I’m not.
In short: It’s all in the way we act. The way we view things. If you change the way you view things, your life changes. 🙂
If you ever need to talk, let me know. Take care and be safe ♥♥
Looking at your posts on sp always scare me(granted I have no room to talk having had 1 about a shotgun earlier) your so beautiful as is its a shame you shouldn’t starve. you also can’t depend on other people for happiness because if you do you run the risk of them using you.
PS you can gain weight by starving.
I realize I mistook you for someone else. That said my comments still true giving over control of your happiness is a sure fire way to get damaged.
@Mercy, I’m like 105lbs, but I’m really short. and I want to stay this way. but I doubt that will happen, every time my dad tells me to eat we have a big argue about it and of course he wins-.- and I don’t think its exactly starving myself, because I don’t really feel hungry, I just never eat because I am literally never hungry, and yeah I would love to talk, maybe email?
@kno1, I need to be happy, I don’t care if people use me, it can’t get worse than it already is, my brain is already screwed up and totally disturbed. I’ve already had heart attacks almost every time I cry and laugh. I will try anything else i can to be happy, just to have a real smile for once. so far everything I’ve tried doesn’t work
Sure. Email me at magicalanopener@yahoo.com. 🙂
Also, you might want to do a little research on eating disorders. My best friend is anorexic, as I may have mentioned, and she definitely has similar thought patterns to yours. I’m not trying to freak you out but looking into it will help you get at it early and find help. 🙂