havent cut in several weeks, im actually kind of proud of myself i guess. i keep having thoughts of becoming crazy and then everyone around me forces me to a mental hospital. no one can hear me because im just the crazy girl that says stupid things and cant understand any real world objects. this is why im afraid to be myself, to even talk or speak my mind.
SuicideThoughts
one of my best friends loves me so much, and she knows about my depression history, and my scars and everything, but she thinks im all better now. she calls me almost every day and i talk with her often. she’s a christian and i think im steering away from christianity. she is so nice and i love her but everyone around me brays at me and everyone is so vitriolic and abusive. i will be attempting suicide tonight though. i feel terrible most of all to my new best friend and i know im so selfish for this, but when you’re in this muc […]
living life. who knows? maybe it does get better. but time doesnt heal everything. that is such a lie, whoever said it does. people will crush you eventually if they havent already. hell I’m not even 20 and everyone I know has hurt me one way or another, physically and mentally. I found out yesterday that i have body dysmorphic disorder. and my mom told me that im gonna be seeing a doctor soon for my chemical imbalance because they think im getting too depressed. but i wouldnt call it depressed, more like disturbed. mentally disturbed.
sorry i havent emailed people i told i would. ive been kind of depressed..
life is so confusing. people around me are so blind to what is real. that is, happy people. i look around myself and see all the emptiness, all the sadness deep inside some people’s shadowing souls. my heart is enlightened by the sight of the blood on my wrist when i inflict myself, and it scares me. it scares me more than loneliness, because i dont mind the loneliness so much anymore. its enjoyable now to sit in my room and think of depressing thoughts and look up suicide methods and cut […]
this is kind of long, so if you dont want to waste your time, then dont read this. its not that good anyway.
its been about 5 or 6 months since ive been on this site, because i tried to stop because writing more depressing things was pointless and a waste of time. i know im not the worst off, there’s plenty of people on here that have it so much worse than me that i feel guilty for being suicidal. but i have to write once again because i have that feeling that maybe I’ll meet someone on here who has maybe been in the same […]
You know those days where you feel so mentally and physically exhausted? Those days where you try to get up but just fall back down, those days when you cry until you can’t cry anymore, and run out of breath and gasp for air, the moments you feel like nobody cares, no mercy, no love. the days that go by while you think, how do I take my life away? But something stops you, it fails or you just can’t do it, I know I couldn’t. I thought maybe there’s someone out there who will be my hero someday. I know it’s cliche, but that’s […]
not gonna say names but someone on this website told me I was childish and fake for saying that I romance about suicide. I came to this site because I thought people could help me, but I guess not. I’m better off dead anyway. Good luck to you all. Bye.
She swallowed them down to the very last pill, she cut up her arms until you couldn’t see flesh, she scratched up her legs for just being her, because she longs for the day when she’s happy with herself. She’s waited for so long, could it be the night? The night she’s been waiting for all her life? She leaves a note on the window sill, and goes back to her bedroom to do the deed. After the last bottle of pills, she tucks herself into bed and knows that better is yet to come. No more loneliness. No more misery. As she closes her […]
Don’t you just wish you could live without all the pain? Without all the tears? Without all the broken hearts and heavy fears? Life is so difficult, and I will never have the guts to commit suicide. I’m just gonna spend my whole life in misery, wondering why I can’t just be happy like my far-away friends, watching them all grow up, get married, have a reason to live, bur not me. I’m just a side-friend that no one pays attention to. Because that’s the truth. No one wants me, no one will. Just an empty life wishing I had some reason to live, but […]
I’ve started cutting again. I’m really lonely. I just sit in the basement(that’s where my room is) and paint black and blood red hearts. I hate seeing how happy other couples are together. It makes me sad. It reminds me of how I have no one to go to, no one who won’t get mad at me for being depressed. I wish I had a special someone. I don’t like crying Alone on my bed anymore. At least I can sleep. But I wish I wouldn’t wake up. Life is painful. And it hurts to breathe.
I can’t believe that love could hurt this much, it really sucks:/ (I’m a girl). my dad yelled at me again, and worked me to death. I don’t have any friends, and I still cry every day because of my physical(aching bones and beating myself) and mental pain. But I don’t mind it so Mich anymore, being alone isn’t terrible. It gives me a lot of time to think of ways I can commit suicide in the near future.
have you ever loved someone so much that you cry for them ever night? that you would die for them? that you still love them even though they’re emotionally torturing you? that they make you want to commit suicide, but you still love them anyway and you have no clue why? well thats me pretty much. and dont tell me I shouldn’t love him because he’s hurting me mentally, because I love him beyond the depths of the earth, that barely explains my love for him, I wish he knew what he’s doing to me.:(
OH and does anyone know how to take away emotional pain […]
I feel like crap. I’m a teenage girl, and I’ve realized that I will always be treated like shit. most guys are so fucking independent, and most girls are so dependent on guys. and notice I say the word “most” because there are some others that are different, it’s just so fucking hard to find the different ones. I so badly want a guy that practically needs me to live, I know that’s really selfish, but I can’t help it. that’s the way I am, I need someone to live. I’ve tried to find my own happiness in anything I can, I’ve tried about everything, […]
I’ve been having little heart attacks and seizures lately, mostly if I laugh or cry. it freaking hurts my heart, and makes me unable to breathe, I literally have to hold my breath for about a minute so my heart won’t sting in pain. but it still hurts after I start to breathe again. I told my dad and he didn’t believe me, he just told me to go sleep. and my sister (my flesh and blood whom I adore so much, seriously I’m not kidding, I love her to death like a little kid loves his stuffed animal) is pissed at me for no […]
i freaking cry every day. i cry myself to sleep every night and im tired of it. i just want this fucking pain to end!! I am such a loner. all my friends have forgotten about me, my family doesn’t care, my whole family has mental issues. and i keep taking pills, every day, more and more. maybe one day I’ll take too much, and I’ll die. yes, I will commit suicide. why does God allow this much pain??! I believe in God, I know He’s real. I just have no freaking clue why He would allow this much pain. I know people who have […]
some of my friends just got married. several of my friends have a boyfriend. the ones that don’t, they’re actually happy. then there’s me. all alone, with no one. just sitting in my dark room, inflicting myself. because that’s the only thing I know how to do anymore because I’m a stupid girl in this stupid world. as far as relationships and stuff, I’m like the apple at the bottom of the tree. easy to pick and easy to throw away. my family doesn’t care about my problems, they never did. and my “friends” just randomly get mad at me for no reason, so I […]
I cannot wait to die I just wanna drop dead or hang myself thats perfect I will hang myself don’t tell me it won’t work I will make it work I will freaking make it work maybe not today nor tomorrow but soon enough I will do it I will and don’t tell me otherwise because I fucking hate my life I hate myself I’m so alone and Im just gonna commit suicide soon because I am far beyond repair or any kind of help so dont freaking tell me I need to see a freaking doctor because they dont care no one does anymore
I hate how most adults think they know so much more than teenagers. To most of them, teenagers are just immature children who need to grow up. I’m sick of that. It’s such a stupid idea. I’m not saying every adult is like that, because I’ve met some pretty awesome adults. but I know a lot who are “know-it-alls”. Even my older cousins are like that, and they’re barely in their 20’s. They think they’re geniuses or something. That always confused me as a young child. Why everyone older than me thought they were so much better and everything. Now as a teen, I understand. […]
My eyes are swollen.
My breath has been taken.
My body is stunned, and I am forsaken.
All my joy and sweet moments are gone.
My soul is down, and I am dead.
I’ve been torn, throughout my life, in shreds.
This affliction of mine is too much to bare.
But I manage to live, in my heart of despair.
Alas, this feeling has been crushing my mind.
But there on the shelf, I see the bottles.
Hundreds of pills I can down and swallow.
Tonight I could do it, tonight I will.
And see what happens if I won’t be ill.
If I’m not ill, you know where I am.
Gone like the wind, stiff as a brick.
No […]
I want to cut.
I want to cry.
I just want to commit suicide.
not today, but sometime I will.
I could take several bottles of pills.
Then slash my wrists, and tie up my neck.
I don’t care if no one checks.
No one cares, they never have.
curled up, clutching my legs, crying a river, cause that’s all I can do.
no more cutting, all because of freakin you.
I’m almost numb, thank goodness for that. don’t know how much more pain I can take.
this loneliness and lack of love will kill me someday, if no one comes to my rescue soon.
But I don’t mind, I am but a young girl in distress, […]