I feel hurt. I always end up feeling hurt. I think I’m destined to be a loner. I told him that I want to be with him. And this is after he spent 2 years chasing me. He lost interest almost as quick as I told him that. I don’t feel like shedding tears anymore, I’ve shed enough tears, he’s not worth my tears. If he seriously feels like leaving me, like stop talking to me, like telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me, well then fine. FUCK YOU! I don’t Fucking need you in my life. You’re an asshole. Typical fucking friend you are. Typical.
I just can’t take it. I want to cut myself. I want to mark my arms up even more, make more memories on my skin. Beautiful memories. I have no friends. Not really. I have you guys, you guys keep me here, keep me breathing, you guys help me just enough. Some of you I really do love. You are like my family. I just… I’m tired of being alone. If I didn’t break up with my last boyfriend.. If I would have let my old friends talk me into all the drugs they tried to get me to do.. I wouldn’t be alone. I screwed up, I want a boyfriend. I’m a very independent person.. But I just… Can’t stand being alone anymore. I met a guy the other day… We spent time together and he got my number and all this shit… Then his girlfriend walks up…. There goes my day.. I thought maybe I found an escape. I wish she would have beat me up. I would have taken it. I’m used to it.. and I actually miss it. I miss feeling their fists on my face, their hands and fingers wrapped around my neck, I miss the pain I felt.
I know I deserved every bit of it. I wish I had that back.. I wasn’t alone then. I knew where my place was. I don’t have a place anymore. I want… Love. I want to be held. Hell.. I’ve gotten myself to where .. Where I like how |I look.. Just because I want someone.. I want someone to think I’m not ugly.. Not fat… Not just.. I don’t know..
I guess that was my mumbo jumbo rant…
5 comments
“You know the chase is better than the catch.” – Lemmy Kilmister
Also, I only read the first two sentences because the answer to relationship problems are always so obvious; the people in relationships, however, never accept the solution, so I don’t bother to help them.
Okay, I won’t continue reading. Bye.
I just don’t see how that comment was supposed to help at all when it is far off from the idea of the post. sorry. Bye
I wish i have some wise words but im no gd with relationship problems. I dont even have any healthy relationships in the 1st place.
Oh god!! I have always felt alone and always hated it. Till this day i have a hard time trying to deal with it. I have friends they exist but their never really around. I had a boyfriend and because i needed him so much to help me not feel alone the relationship fell apart. Deep down I always know that i’m not alone i have myself and thats just the reality of it. I know it sucks but you need to rely on yourself because you are the only one who can keep yourself balanced and well. Easier said then done i know i still have some pretty bad downs but you need to be strong be there for you focus on you and positive things. Its like a voice in your head just constantly reminding you how you have no life and no one there for you. If you give into that then its just gonna ruin you. Not only that it starts making you dependent on other people so you make the feeling go away but thats not the answer. I hope that my words were of some help to you.