the days are growing longer and time is fleeting

I wish that I could say that I was overtly sad but I lost my purpose in life when my mother passed away six years ago. The struggle to survive intensifies to a point when you realize that when you are the last in the family line to survive, you have been cheated in life. The majority of people have some family that they can speak to but when you realize that there are no more family members left to call, the isolation of that burden overwhelms. All that is familiar is lost. Life has been good to me and I think “is that the reward for this terrible burden” of a solitary existence. To have gone from being extremely sociable to societal withdrawn and purposeless is a burden that can only take a terrible emotional toll. At 51, I am facing a choice that hopefully will remedy this burden and bring me to my family again whom I miss whole-heartedly. I like the ending that the pulitzer-prize winning photojournalist who captured the starving child in the Sudan many years ago left this earth – to park the car in a remote spot and drowsily fall asleep is what I have decided on as well. This way I can have the images of what was once so familiar to me close at hand as I fall asleep for the last time. With the method chosen, all remaining is the selection of the date – I like August 27th since my father passed away on the June 7th, then my mother on July 17th – the progression would have me go on August 27th. The hard part now is the wait. But it less than a month and there are a few remaining details to close out this life. If you have read this, please remember, at least you have a relative who may ease a burden when you think you are overwhelmed – I wish I had one!