I’m thinking about killing myself. I could take a bottle full of phentermine to cause a heart attack. Or all of my sleeping pills and Xanax. I feel that I am nothing. Of no importance. I have no friends, no bf or husband. My son would be safer with his father. I fail at life. I couldn’t protect my son. Nothing is good right now. I have no family. No one likes me. I’m worthless. I’ve never accomplished anything. People say I’m attention crazed. Truth is — I would do anything to be loved. I show my body because I want to be wanted. To be adored. My whole life I have never been anything to anyone. No one has been in love with me. No one has thought of me as the best thing to happen to them. Worthless. If I died — it wouldn’t be anything to miss. I have nothing to give, accomplish or contribute to this life or anyone else’s. What does my son need ME for? Should I end it?
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you have a child. there is no greater acomplishment in life than a happy healthly child. without you he would not be. he owes you everything and so inhertly love’s you weather you choose to believe it or not.
I hope this helps 🙂
He would be better off with his father. I cannot protect him. I have to work and am never around to watch him. Only at night to help with homework and sleep together at night. When he is with my family who watch him for me they watch innapropriate tv shows around him and my son keeps getting caught with other little boys showing their privates and other things I cannot even bare to say. I can’t afford day care or to move out alone. If I was dead my sons father would have no choice but to take care of him and he would get the proper care. I want to die because I love him so much and want nothing but the best for him.
OMG. ok i get that you seem to be in a bit of a predicament. however if your sons father isant around now what make’s you think he will when your gone. besides clearly if your the one raising him then im guessing you care more for him. on loving absent parent is better than a constant unloving parent, thats a toxic enviorment for a child.
But then again i am just an observer and dont know your sitution in good detail. feel free to dismiss my opinion.
If i may pry, Y isant the father around. does he have a good stable job.
He works part time and lives 30 min away. He lives with 7 other family members in a double wide trailer. He “goes to school”. He gets him every other weekend. He loves his son and my son favors him. I get no child support money bc he doesn’t really work. I work full time, I am able to pay my bills and put my son in soccer and boys scouts. I make rather good money but never enOugh to live on my own and have someone else watch my son. As I said : I have no friends. I thought about totaling my car to get rid of it. It’s 500$ a month and 240$ insurance. I am 25 and it’s a mustang :-/ bad choice at the time. That wouldnt still be enough. My son isn’t bad. Its not his fault. It’s the people who watch him or don’t watch him I should say. And I have to believe someone told him or showed him the things he is doing. If my son was with his father I know his fathers mother would care for him properly. I cannot bare to live if I give my son to his father. I cannot live without him. I would have no purpose if I willingly gave him. You see? I must die. That way he would go to his fathers on default. And it wouldnt look as though I didnt want him. But I do. I want to protect him. Give him everything he could ever need or want. But I can’t. And not just that. I am alone. If only someone would love me and take us away to live. A happy family. Safe. I am incapable of that. So I fail. I fail my son. I used to model. Men want me. But nOne will love me. None will save me. I must be just a horrible person. I fail on every level.
I fail on every level, too. 🙁
@QueMeMuera: your wrong…I love you….
OK so heres the delio. i dont usually talk people out of there own personal decisions. BUT in your case i am going to make an exception. YOUR SON needs YOU. its not a question of what is best for him or best for you, your his mother you should be there for every birthday, every christmas and easter.
MY mother died a few years back now. i miss her. but i can no longer enjoy these days anymore. they remind me to much or her.
Your either never part of a person’s life or your in it for the long haul. there is no if’s and but’s. life throws alot of shit at people. but you have the answer. your a mother. your soul can never be beaten.
my mother said to me on her deathbed(cancer)
“THERE IS NO BOND AS STRONG NOR LOVE AS LONG AS THAT OF A MOTHERS LOVE, IF I COULD I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU, BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU”
sorry if it feels like im cornering you. again ultimatley its your life and you have to do whats right for you.
my 2 cents?
If you have a son, daughter..a child that is your own? Please table the exit plans. You did bring them into this cesspool. It’s the least you could do.
Life is hard enuf for them without that getting thrown into the heap..
imho, I could be wrong.