All about timing

I was going to write a story like so many before me detailing my previous suicide attempt and how I failed at even that but my story isnt worth retelling.

My life has been one of deprivation, whether it was food, clothes or an education I’ve missed out on pretty much all of it. I did get my state funded high school certificate though, yay me. Essentially I’ve reached a point now where im unemployable, I have skills and abilities and an intense drive to succeed in whatever I do yet with these attributes still no one will give me a chance.

For the past one year I’ve lived with my parents, I had to move back with them after losing my job and being unable to find work. I did have one job for 3 months in the past year but I was fired from there for being too proactive and suggesting possible ways for this particular department to improve their service. The manager was new and I guess he felt threatened by an experienced underling. I havent had any work at all since that job and everyones tired of it. Im tired of having no money, my parents are tired of feeding me (they work) and the government is tired of giving me unemployment assistance. For what its worth, my phone has been disconnected, my car is unregistered and I havent bought anything (I haven’t been to a store in 6 months) for so long now..

I have no future and there is no point going on.. For me there is no question whether or not Ill kill myself, there is only the matter of time. If I were to do it now I will destroy my parents emotionally, but if I wait any longer they will be broken financially. Of all the methods, how I wish we had handguns accessible in this country.. a bullet to the brain seems so simple and effective but unfortunately not available to me. I believe I will either build a guillotine or lay my neck across some rail road.. But when, thats what I dont know.