Beginning of the end

Sorry I was unable to continue my point. I don’t want you to kill yourself because I know there should be more solutions than suicide. Sometimes there aren’t, sometimes there are. I have known one person who commited suicide and another who attempted it. The first one made me feel guilty as did the second one. Your suicide note is not going to help with much. My aunt’s friend, when she was in her twenties, killed himself. He hung himself, wrote a note and had the same song playing on repeat for his boyfriend to find when he got home.
Charming. My aunt says the song and note now sometimes haunt her nightmares and she knows that neither she or the man’s boyfriend will never stop thinking “what if I’d done- would he still be here?”
Your note my answer a few questions, but it’s not you. It’s a bit of paper and can hardly give anyone anything. It’s almost like a ‘f**k you’ to whoever you’re writing to. No matter if you say it’s not their fault or whatever, it’s still saying, in essence ‘you couldn’t save me so I decided to check out early’. How many people can cope with the responsiblity that they couldn’t save a loved one, a family member, a friend? Ask yourself if you could?
Will you try to talk to someone, once more, before you make your final decision? The Samaritans sound quite good, or a doctor, or a councellor, if you can’t speak to any family or friends. Sometimes all you need is to confide in someone who won’t judge you.
In short, I hope you don’t kill yourself. I’m sorry if I sound like I’m shouting at you, I am not trying to. I just want you to make sure it really is your only option. You’re are obviously thinking about it if you are writing a suicide note (I cannot deny that I have one already started somewhere, but I don’t know if I will finish it or use it).
I am sorry if this sounds like I am shouting or being mean or telling you off. I just hope you know what your are doing and what your death will do. No matter what it will do for you, look at what it will do to the people after you are gone.

Well, maybe it wouldn’t, but how can you know if you never try it? It’s worth a shot, right? You have an advantage, you CAN just leave and do what you want, within reason. I can imagine it might not be soethign you feel motivated to doing at the moment, but I think it might be good to consider it. I’m a firm believer in people leaving if they need to. My friend left home as a teenager and drifts around the country, meeting new people and trying new things. Sure, she’s often without a lot of money, but it suits her. People find different strategies. Yes, I know only too well that they don’t work for everyone and they might not help you. I’m so panicky and suicidal I have to keep pausing in my day to meditate until I calm down, that’s my strategy and it’s only effective for a few minutes.

I wish you well with whatever you choose. I’m not here to tell you to do anything, you’re an individual who can choose what you want, it’s not up to me. I hope you find what you need, and if not, that you can find peace.