Could it be suicide?

Today I just realized that my husband’s death of 5 years ago may have been a suicide. There was no autopsy because it was thought to be heart failure at the time, and his remains were cremated. But looking back on the events of the last two days of his life lead me to believe that he may have been testing me to see if I would stop him from dying and that I failed the test. No wonder I was so angry at him after he died! He was playing a game with me, and I was unaware of it until now. He was probably making a deliberate suicide attempt with his medications, and blew his boat horn from the other room to see if I would come in and discover him there in time to get him to the ER and save his life! And all this time I neglected to notice the empty med bottle, and the silly game he was playing with the boat horn. I am so angry because all this time I thought I was going insane being angry at a dead man. Now I realize that my anger is not insane, it is perfectly reasonable. And he intended to put the guilt trip on me! That just tops off my anger!