Wow, I really love life. I have had a month of trying to get to a place where I am depressed enough to take my life. In that month I see that life is something really special. Every thing is so clear. I want to live.
Circumstances dictate that suicide is the only way to not face consequences of my own making.
One moment a person is alive, and the next life is gone.
Just what is on the other side ?
What if I find once there, I really don’t like the accomodations and want to leave ? Kind of hard to reverse a suicide.
Yet this is where I find myself.
What if I mess it up. What if I have to face a future in a 4 x 8 room for 25 to life ?
This is not something I want to fail at.
I’ve tried a few different methods, guns are out of the question. I will not have my use of a gun to end my life used by anti-gunners as a statistic to infringe upon other Americans inailianable right of gun ownership assured by the 2nd Amendment.
I have tried to make H2s and failed, Helium and failed.
I have a rope yet no tree’s out here.
I have 40 cubic feet of ******** and that is all I have.
******** will work if I can get the courage to keep the valve open.
It’s pretty scary hearing the gas as the valve is opened. ******** is suposed to be painless.
I find in the mornings when I awaken I am much more likely to end my life than later in the day.
My job tomorrow is to get another tubing set up for the tank and find a place where I can park undisturbed and do it.
I don’t do Heroin, yet it would make the whole thing alot easier.
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You just said you enjoyed life…? So now you’re talking about taking it away? I think this entry wouldve been a lot better if you included current problems because the way I’m proceiving it is you love life, it’s great, and you want To kill yourself?
If life is great, ENJOY it. Dont waste life on worrying about things like suicide. I want you to focus on living life to the fullest.
How is it that u tried h2s and failed? That really stumps me. I don’t even think u knew what you were doing.
girl interupted …
Two past attempts were with chemicals intented to make H2S. There have’nt been exact recipies to form H2S.
The 1st time one year ago was with chems that I assumed would produce H2S. I poured them in a 5 gallon bucket and inhaled an akryd mix of chlorine based gas’s, ouch ! That was awful.
The second time was a month and a half ago with some chems that I was almost certain would make the H2S. It didn’t. I think if the Sulfur would have been in a powder form instead of very hard flakes it would have formed H2S.
In either case had H2S been formed my death would have been very sudden, almost instantanious.
So now I’m on the road and living out of my car. I still wish I could make the H2S, it’s the quickest and surest way to assure a good clean suicide.
I doubt seriously that all the claims in the press and on the net that speak of H2S suicides were actually H2S suicides. This stuff is difficult to make, at least in a pure form. Mixing household chems will aways have some other gas’s produced also. These other gas’s are very akryd and hard to deliberitly breath.
WristSlitz
Yes the enjoyment of life is “the rub”, knowing what has to be done yet wanting to live.
The crystalisation of thoughts about “life”, what it means to be alive, and then death makes it all the more difficult to end ones own life.
Read between the lines, …….. there are reasons for this choice, ………… serious reasons, with real consequences.
Thats the irony, I have to do something I do not want to do.
I just think you should’ve said your problems because there is a big blank, really. We know you love life, and that you’ve tried to kill yourself. Tell us why, and maybe we could better assist/support you.
@caucajun- can u give me your email addy? I want to talk to you more about the h2s that u made. I’m very interested in knowing what happened
caucajun32 you still around there has been many detergent suicides in japan using sunpole cleaner and Moutochap bath salts cant remember how you spell it. Does any one know if you can still get them as they may have banned it and if so what do they use now was trying to get specifics of Joanne Lumb and Stephen case in England – their chat any info on what they did and with what. I just want cases where they specify the stuff and what exactly they used.