Hi guys.
Been doing it pretty rough recently. Been suggesting from depression for last 8 years but only been diagnosed for 2. Before that I just dealt with life how I thought everyone did not realising that actually I was sick. It all started when I had to leave the forces and then my best friend was killed in action. For last 2 years I’ve been suffering with depression and anxiety and the fact I haven’t dealt with stuff before.
3 months ago my marriage broke down and in turn I’ve lost my house and am living with my parents. I’m off work sick as I just can’t concentrate or deal with people. I’m feel like I’m also on the verge of losing my job as I’ve already had a warning about my sick leave (due to depression).
Things have been pretty dark and am struggling to see a way forward. I hate night time because my brain won’t turn off and I lie in bed thinking of everything that’s gone wrong. In turn I end up sleeping in very late as I’m tired but I also can’t find any real reason to get up. I’ve also started to think everyone would be better off without me, I have my method of suicide all planned out just can’t bring myself to do it cos of my parents. (I’m 37 btw). I am pretty addicted to visiting suicide forums everyday which doesn’t help but I can’t shake my curiosities.
I don’t know why I’m posting this or what I hope to achieve. I guess I just wanted to write something down.
I’ve been referred to my local mental health team but it seems to be taking forever to get seen by the referred therapies that I am waiting for. I’m on venlafaxine, flupenthixol and zopiclone. Feel like I should rattle when I walk. I also feel like I’m going out of my mind half the time.
Cheers for reading.Â
2 comments
Welcome. I read your post and now I am commenting to let you know you’re not alone or being ignored. We hear you. Take care.
My father suffered depression he too was in the military army to be specific. I’ve gone through some of what your going through. I recommend seeing a therapist maybe both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I was diagnosed with depression at first then bipolar disorder. Your lack of normal sleep could be adding to your problems. And the fact that you are constantly thinking about negative things oh man that will destroy you!! You need to pick yourself up want to live life for yourself. You have to be more positive and calm even wen life seems tough. Don’t say always or never. I used to say people always hurt me (that isnt 100% true people dont hurt me 24/7) And i would say im never loved ( but i was maybe it wasn’t expressed as often as i wanted but i was) Next you have to ask yourself is it really rational and does it make sense. If you really apply yourself and follow these few little things i mentioned it will surprise you how much it will help.