i need to die. Hope is gone…

  August 29th, 2011 by enigma

i have contemplated suicide many times, and been unsucessful with all attempts. I remember just last xmas i awoke in hospital with a nurse standing over holding a needle near my arm. Just to be told that i was fine and so were my blood results. Yet another overdose that was not to be… I looked at him and asked him angrily Why Did U Not Let me DIE? I am ashamed of myself and disgusted in whom I have become. Dont get me wrong. life is precious. Well… Everyone’s but mine. To put things in context for you…
I was taken away from my mother at 18 months and placed with foster parents. This was not meant for me as i started to get sexually abused from the age of 5yrs to 14yrs. I felt it to normal as it was all i new. Stupidly believed that i wouldnt be wanted unless i said nothing about my abuser. Emotionally destroyed by 14 i have aimlessly wandered through life. Looking for some kind of normality that i so needed. I, since then have had 2 beautiful children and a husband for 14 yrs. I lost them through taking drugs. i know… How stupid of me. I was only taking class A drugs for 2 months and then suddenly stopped. Such a painful way to learn. I lost everything. My children live with their father 200 plus miles from me. Anyway thats irrelavant now. I feel that i am just a waste on resources and time. I need to just go peacefully. I am damaged goods and i dont need to be here. Wish i had the time and endurance to help others to not feel so useless. But its too late. I have all i need to end the life i was cursed with… If anyone can say anything to give me hope i would appreciate it.. Up to you guys… Thanks for reading. Dont give up yourselfs. This is my last resort…

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