Should be Gone Already

I should be dead by now, yet I’m still here. Suicide is not the easiest thing to do
when not depressed.
I decided that a little help from some Oxycontin would be the ticket. The problem is that I don’t do dope anymore, it’s been 20+ years since using
on a regular basis and painkillers never were my thing anyway.
I’m in Vegas and went on line to check local price’s and saw that possibly
I would be able to make a hook-up online, yeah right Big Mistake.
I knew it was dangerous to attempt to buy anything thru an online
hook-up.
Well anyway I am meeting this unknown person at a casino parking lot. My
alertness was the only thing that stopped me from being popped. It was
of course a police set up. Well just because your paranoid doesn’t mean
they’er not out to get you.
Anyway I stuck with only my bottle of ********. I had attempted to end my
life with Helium and the sound of the gas passing threw the valve is a
scary sound.
I have to do this or spend many years in prison, possibly the rest of my life.
At my age, 20 years could very well be the rest of my life.
I’ve driven into the desert numerous time over the last 3 weeks looking
for the right spot, a place that will afford isolation with no interuptions.
I have found some places yet cannot seem to put the bag over my head and open the bottle of ********.

This sucks.