So frusterating

I was in a really bad place last night, just freaking out and over whelmed.  i tried to call friends, and nobody answered.  I tried to call the suicide hotline and was on hold too long.  I tried to distract myself and failed.  I ended up cutting a lot.  Now I’m covered with cuts, I probably should have gotten stitches on one of them, but I didn’t.  I can’t wear long sleeves at work, and I work all weekend.  I’m trying so hard to keep people at work from finding out, and maintain a “normal” facade.  I think I’m probably failing on all accounts.  Really I’m a failure all around.  I can’t do anything right.  I hate myself.  I’m so tired of trying.  I’m tired of failing.  I’m tired of life.