September 8th, 2011 by jennifermh65

Let me tell you about a little event that happened that has me thinking about killing a guy. Now I haven’t felt homicidal sense 7th grade but this guy just brings it back to me.  At the begining of July I went on a trip with (blank) people. there was 11 of us. 2 females and 9 guys. There was this one guy named martin that I (HAD) an interest in. We hung out for most of the trip and were kinda in to each other. He tried to get in my pants like every other guy I know and I repeatedly turned him down. When we got back from the trip we didn’t talk for a week. Then out of the blue he texts me asking if I want to go to safe way. I said no don’t have time but I would walk with him for a min before turning in. He tried to get me to go in this tunnel and I stopped and said lets just sit here and talk. I’m not exactly sure what was said in the beginning but some how the conversation went to him telling me that he sees why everyone hates me. ( What a way to make me suicidal.) I told him I was done and walked away, but I was to angry to leave it at that so I texted him and told him he was like all those other guys who raped me. ( that was very stupid of me and never done it before.) I told him he wasn’t the first to treat me like that and he wouldn’t be the last. Then he called ME a rapist. This pissed me off even more. Now I’m pissed, sad, depressed, emotional, suicidal and homicidal. Then he started telling other guys that I raped him. What a f**ked up person. Hes 5 foot 8 inches with muscles of a gorilla,  and hes saying I over powered him. Ha. Well now every time I see him I just want to go up to him and stab him in the stomach. I don’t think I will ever have the balls to do it but I don’t like feeling like this.

two  nights after he accused me of raping him I tried killing myself. I felt like I was the bad person. And its all my fault. I still feel like that some times now. wow let me rap this up. Not that anyone reads this anyways. Why do I continue to feel this way?

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