i dont know anymore

  September 14th, 2011 by allaloneinmyhead

For more information just……ask i guess.
I feel like dying, but feel i dont have the right to be sad at all. like i shouldnt be sad and should just get the fuck over it. idk if this is just depression or withdrawal or what, but im tired of hearing that i just need more meds. i always feel like im begging for attention because i will kinda straight out say yet hint that i want to die, but i just want to die and fade out, but want someone to care and help me. i may be expecting to much, because what id do is something like never let them leave my side and make sure they are okay every step and listen, but it feels like no one believes me or cares. it may be because of how ive treated it but people just seem to brush it off. I just………. i want to go far enough down that people will care and show they miss me.
i dont let people in, probably for fear they will leave and or i wont be good enough, but im at the point where idk anymore. i feel like i may just bust down. i may have left things out but i just…….. i want it all to stop. i want a break, and i want to be able to see people care and have it seem there is someone there for me. people just cant understand me though my barriers, i say dont worry, but i want you to help me. i say no but i want you to come get me. i say its fine, but i want you to stay and tell me to stop bullshitting till i spill

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