I'm messed up. So very messed up.
I just want this to all to be over.
I want to die.
I can't take anymore ridicule.
I can't take anymore abuse.
I can't take anymore blame.
Tonight once my house becomes completely silent I will leave through my window for the last time.
With a bag full of every prescription pill I have I will walk to the old rail road track bridge.
Once I get there I will swallow every last one of the pills that were supposed to help.
After I will write one last note explaining myself.
So that whoever it may be that finds me won't bother to call for an ambulance.
I will wait an hour for the pills to do the damage.
If I'm still conscience after that I'm going to jump.
So you see, I have no plan to make it to tomorrow.
Because tomorrow would just bring more pain and suffering.
Tomorrow would mean more verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.
Tomorrow would mean more fake smiles and laughs.
Tomorrow would mean more lies and deceiving.
Tomorrow would mean more disappointment and consequences.
Tomorrow would mean living through another day of hell.
Eternal damnation? I'm already living it.
Goodbye world.
7 comments
What i the ridicule? What is the abuse? What is the blame? I want to know.
The ridicule I get every time my scars show from when I used to cut.
The abuse is getting hurt every time I do something “wrong”, it’s getting forced onto the ground and raped because to them I’m property, it’s always getting cursed at and downgraded.
The blame is that it’s all my fault that three people are dead. That it’s all my fault that life is so hard for other people. That all I do is make things more difficult.
Don’t bother saying, “Don’t be stupid, go to the police.”
If you think that I haven’t already thought of that you’re crazy.
Oh god I am so sorry. You’ve been given the rough end of the stick. Don’t worry, I know a little about this and I know that police are useless and don’t listen and they blame you and make you feel even worse than the bastards who hurt you.
The ridicule is from people who don’t understand. They are not the ones you need to be talking to.
The abuse is from weak people, who only feel strong when they can make other people feel weaker.
The blame, I am going out on a limb here, because it sounds like the blame is coming from you, projected onto other people.
Have you seen a councilllor? You can talk to me if you like, I’m not a councillor but I like talking to people.
There’s a low chance you’ll go if you try ODing on pills.
Taking 20grams of tylenol and don’t seek treatment for over 24 hours… Good chance you’ll die. Very good.
But very slow and VERY painful.
I am sorry, hon. I can empathize…the same things occur to me on a daily basis, except the rape…which means it must be 10X harder for you.
I love you, and so does someone else. A grandparent, aunt of uncle, perhaps? A teacher? Find that person and talk with them.
I hope you are still here to read this. 🙁
I’ve tried the pills twice, it won’t work; you will only poop and vomit them out, and then be really sick for 2-3 days. Awful.