i havent written on here lately because i was purely focusing on just talking to my bestfriend who has now moved to dubai and we dont get to talk much. i cant stand not being able to see and speak to my bestfriend anymore, its heartbreaking. he has said many times that anytime i want i can come out to stay with him in dubai but its just too much hassle.
but i dont wanna be here anymore, i cant handle the constant pressure and criticism thrown at me. the main source is from my mum. nothing i do is ever good enough. i clean the bathroom but i didnt need to. i tidy my room but noone elses. i make dinner but dont put a saucepan in the dishwasher. they sound silly but when its constant they mount up on you and its more than i can take.
my mum and dad’s relationship is getting worse, anything little said turns into a huge argument. me and my mum argue alot so anything that happens there makes them argue more. i cant bear it any longer.
it just seems that all problems in my family stem from me. it seems logical that i no longer exist in this world. i increasingly feel depressed. i dont go a day without hysterically crying and it doesnt take much to start me off. i havent been to the doctors for fear that she’ll tell my mum or judge me. i dont want that. i just want an easy escape..
any tips or suggestions for a quick easy painless way to go please comment x
12 comments
Hey how old are you? Because it sounds like a nasty home environment, and that easy escape you’re seeking could be taking off to dubai to see your friend… I’ve heard there’s a lot of money to be made there! And if you ‘can’t be bothered going to dubai’… well I’ve read a lot of suicide methods here… and it all really sounds like a lot of hard work, and research, and painful, and gross (vomit, shit and piss usually involved). When you die, one of the things that happens is your body relaxes all it’s muscles, including the anal spincter, once that relaxes, all the shit in your intestine comes flooding out. Lovely. So not only does someone find your dead body, but they have to clean up yr shit as well. At this point, Dubai is sounding pretty good I hope.
I know how tough it is having folks split up. You have to remember that they are taking their anger out on you unintentionally, because they are going through heavy shit, and they are probably too wrapped up with it all to notice the impact its having on you. Maybe you can try to talk to them about how this is affecting you, or if that doesn’t work, it’s safe and feasible, take off to Dubai and get some distance – then you can try talking again
i’m 17. it really is.
if i could go to dubai i would in an instant but i don’t have the money and my mum and dad would go crazy.. not that that reason would stop me.
i know its all gross but most of the time it seems like the only option.
as for the splitting up – even before the split i would get constant pressure and criticism. nothing has ever been good enough, no matter how bliss their relationship was. i’ve spoken about it so many times but it just ends up in tears and arguments and it’s just not worth it.
i think if i left to Dubai i’d never come back. and i can’t do that to my little brother, it wouldnt be fair to just up and leave when he needs me to be his strong big sister.
I know exactly how you feel… sometimes parents put so much pressure on their kids, and they don’t realise the damage they are doing. My mum did the same to me, and she actually thought she was doing me a favour, making me more ambitious. Try to remember, they are hard on you because they have the best intentions.
Have you spoken to a councillor about all this? Because maybe it’s not a good idea for you to talk alone to your parents, it gets too emotional, but maybe if there’s another neutral person involved who can drive the discussion, it would work better.
What country are you in? Are you done with high school? Because if talking fails, might be worthwhile trying to get emancipated, move out, get a job, maybe stay with a different relative… all I know is that what youre describing is a horrible home situation that is really destructive at a young age. Try to make it work, but if it doesn’t, get some distance, and your relationship with your parents might actually improve! (That’s pretty common).
Oh, and if you think it wouldn’t be fair to leave your brother to go to Dubai… well think about how he’d feel if you were dead.
the pressure is just way too much. sometimes i feel like she only does it because she didnt do very well in school and feels like she has to put me down when i dont do very well.
no, if i suggested going to a councillor they would think i’m being ridiculous and trying to waste their money. there’s really no point in trying to sort anything out because things ‘always sort themselves out’ – yeah right.
i’m in the UK. yes i’m finished with high school but i’m currently studying my second year of A levels so i dont want to have wasted a year of my life just to get half a qualification.
I have a job, however it’s working for my dad. i would love to move out, but i dont have a lot of money – the job is quite well paid however i tend to spend most of the money i earn. i have a savings account that wouldn’t last very long atall. my dad wants me to stay at home for as long as possible as he moved out at 15 and knows how difficult it is to support yourself.
i know it’s incredibly selfish but i also feel like i’m being a burden to him.. my depressive moods can’t be easy on him aswell as everything else.
Yr mum pressures you because she didn’t do well at school and she wants you to have more than she did. It’s because she loves you and doesn’t know how to express it.
Stick with school – get your qualifications, you will need them. Find a councillor and see them in your own time, don’t tell your parents about it until you and the councillor have a good chat yourselves. You have NHS in the UK, so I’m sure you can find a free or very cheap councillor to speak to. Check out: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx.
There are also some hotlines you can call for free: http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx
In the UK you have a pretty good welfare system as well, right? So it might be possible for you to keep studying, work part time, and move out, if you get welfare also. Or, stop spending all your money and save up heaps, then move out when you’re 18, and your legal and don’t need to apply for emancipation to get welfare.
I was in a similar situtuation to you, (not quite so rough but still), I left home when I was 17 and it wasn’t easy, but with welfare and working partime I was able to finish my uni degree no problem, never had to take a cent from my parents. Now that we don’t live together we get along much better!
It’s not all doom and gloom, you have a lot of options, you just need to really think about them instead of dismissing everything as ‘too hard’.
Hey. I think you should try talking to your doctor. If you explain that you don’t want your mum to know he has to keep that confidentiality. He can prescribe counselling or medication depending on what’s right. You have to tell them everything though. Unlikely that they’ll judge you.
Hey, I just read your other post, you say you’re on the pill? Do you have a BF and do you need to be? Because even though doctors will say ‘Technically the Pill does not cause depression’ in reality, every body is different and reacts differently to different things. I have been sexually active for 13 years, and never on the pill because I tried it for 2 weeks and found that it turned me into a massive agressive *****. No way would my doctor tell me that’s one of the side effects! Condoms are better protections against babies and STDs. Worth a try – give it a few months to get all the hormones out.
Definitely go to a doctor. If you’re willing to seek a way out of your depression it’s a good step to take. The doctor won’t say anything to anyone if you don’t want and oftentimes you can get treatment for free, or you get the money back from health care. Don’t beat yourself up (haha, like I can talk) . But seriously. You feel sad that you’re friend is on the opposite side of the world – imagine what it’ll feel like to them if you end your life? That’s what’s stopped me from taking the plunge countless times.
And I totally get where you are coming from with your parents. They don’t even see that what they say is counter productive to me getting better. So moving out of home, even temporarily is something you might want to look into?
Yr mum pressures you because she didn’t do well at school and she wants you to have more than she did. It’s because she loves you and doesn’t know how to express it.
Stick with school – get your qualifications, you will need them. Find a councillor and see them in your own time, don’t tell your parents about it until you and the councillor have a good chat yourselves. You have NHS in the UK, so I’m sure you can find a free or very cheap councillor to speak to. Check out: www dot nhs dot uk/conditions/counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx
There are also some hotlines you can call for free: www dot nhs dot uk/Livewell/mentalhealth/Pages/Helplines.aspx
In the UK you have a pretty good welfare system as well, right? So it might be possible for you to keep studying, work part time, and move out, if you get welfare also. Or, stop spending all your money and save up heaps, then move out when you’re 18, and your legal and don’t need to apply for emancipation to get welfare.
I was in a similar situtuation to you, (not quite so rough but still), I left home when I was 17 and it wasn’t easy, but with welfare and working partime I was able to finish my uni degree no problem, never had to take a cent from my parents. Now that we don’t live together we get along much better!
It’s not all doom and gloom, you have a lot of options, you just need to really think about them instead of dismissing everything as ‘too hard’.
one_day – i think saving up and moving out is definitely an option, i dont know how much more i can take of living around the suffocation and arguments of my parents anymore. it gets worse everyday. as for being on the pill – i dont have a boyfriend but i have problems with my period where the pain is so bad i faint and i lose alot of blood. gross but it happens. the pill controls it and its a last resort. i have been to the doctor and they told me that its me feeling the depression and has nothing to do with the pill but i’m convinced it’s the pill because i never ever felt the way i do now before i went on it. i know i probably seem pathetic when i say that it’s ‘too hard’ but i am young and i dont handle pressure all that well. it’s just a bit too much.
alstare1974 & keyblade13 – as i just said i have been to the doctor before but they did nothing and told me it’s probably just teenage hormones. my best friend kind of understands how i feel as he tried to end his life a couple of years ago after his grandad died. it’s been hard on us both.
Hey givingup
Sorry if I sounded like I wasn’t being understanding. I too have been in a position where I’ve thought about and wanted to end my life so I can empathise. I dont have any solutions I can offer just wanted to give you some words of support and let you know that there are people out there thinking of you.
The Pill is one of those horrible myths that is sold to women… there are a bunch of side effects and nobody talks about them. If you are a teenager and depressed, I’ll bet a whole bunch of extra hormones is NOT what you need. Few options to explore:
1. Get off the pill, take painkillers when you have your period… strong ones… I just think taking a few strong painkillers once a month is better than being on the pill every day! Shits me that doctors prescribe it. At the same time, try to study a bit about food, diet, things you can do to reduce the pain, it’s all very influenced by what you eat. I know coffee and cigarettes are really bad…
2. There are many different types of Pill, maybe ask your doc if you can try a different one? Maybe it will have less side effects?
Save up and move out. Really sounds like your home environment is affecting your confidence. If you take control of your situation, it can do wonders for your self esteem. Hang in there and good luck kiddo.