I am just way too tired right now.
I’ve figured I can’t fight anorexia, I can’t fight bulimia, I can’t fight my depression or anything.
It’s living hell and I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried, I really have.
I went to church, I took pills, I went to therapy, I talked to my husband. But apparently church is just for the good people, pills are a joke and therapy is just stupid. Everyone I try to talk about treats me like I am just some sort of spoilt teen who knows nothing about life. Think whatever they want, I am beyond the point of caring about anything.
I’ve alrwady asked my vets to sign documents where they state they will take good care of my oets and find them good homes in case something happens to my husband and me and that’s pretty much what I care about now. It was what was holding me back.
I’ve got tons of pills here, more than enough to do the job. There is no reason to keep on livng, there is nothing for me in life.
My husband is asleep now and I am sure he won’t wake up in time to do anything, so that’s good.
I just wanted to talk to someone now. Anyone, but there is no one, so I write this as my confession.
Hope to find something nicer out there, or nothing, whatever. I just don’t want this anymore.
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4 comments
If you want to talk, I’m game.
suicide won’t do anything – but hurt the people around you. My friend committed suicide this year, he was gay & overweight. He’s gone forever, and left so many people with a hole in their hearts. You are worth so much, and one day everything will get better I promise you that. Through every dark tunnel, there will always be a light at the end. if you ever need any one to support you, or talk to you – I’m all ears.
I also recommend going to a Christian Church. Believe in God, and you’ll feel much happier. There are many struggle in life, but no matter what, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET THROUGH IT.
keep your head up.
Want to give it one more try? I’ve got an idea. Get a waste basket. For every day you withstand anorexia/bulimia/depresion, write it on a paper and swoosh it into the basket. You could pitch it at full force or bounce it off of someone. Crazy? Maybe, but it just might work.
My pets have kept me alive more than once. Church has too many rules and platitudes. A suicidal person needs a ‘real’ person, one who knows the pain, to talk to.