Life really sucks:/

I’m still alive because from the little pieces of my heart I still have left, I feel there might be hope, and I don’t want to miss out on things that I want, especially marriage. I still have another good 6 years or so, but I’ll be dead before then. I can’t keep waiting around for the perfect guy. I always dream of him, there’s actually someone I like who I really want to marry someday, but that probably won’t work out. And then there’s my family. For some reason my sister just hates me, and my dad likes working me to death. My mom is the nicest person you would ever meet, but that’s why she gets pushed around a lot, I don’t ever want to marry someone like my dad:,( and call me a crybaby, I don’t care. My dad’s already told everyone he knows, but I cry about everything, literally. Work, school, and situations I create in my mind. And fear that I won’t be alive to get married:( sometimes I wish I could just stab a knife through my stomach and dig it around until I stop breathing.no one could hate me more than I hate myself, not even the Devil.