Please help

  September 1st, 2011 by scampede

My life has come to a halt and I cannot think of any way I can keep going. I have lost everything in my life; my alcoholic father, my borderline-personality disordered mother, my selfish brother..I still love them all but I have lost them and can’t communicate with them at all. I’ve been seeing a doctor for months now who I have become completely reliant on who doesn’t help anymore. I can’t get in to see any psychologists because I can’t get a job to pay for any. I’ve tried everything and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t enjoy anything anymore and even if I did, I’d just feel guilty about it because I don’t deserve to enjoy anything, and I’d stop enjoying it. I can’t live anymore. Every suicide attempt is just embarrassing and it just proves to me even more that no one cares. I need someone to talk to, a friend or anyone, but I don’t deserve that either. I want to die but I don’t want to fail my attempt again and end up in hospital for weeks which ONLY makes it worse. You know what else sucks? I see how beautiful the world is. It’s gorgeous. But I don’t belong here. I don’t deserve to get better.

Sorry this is so long. I don’t know what the hell to do and I feel like soon enough I’m going to end up rotting away in this bed that I can barely even get out of anymore…please someone tell me what to do..I can’t think anymore.

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