So. No one is home and my fiance is out, going for an interview that’s probably never gonna get the job for… and if he does he’ll buy an apartment and leave me. He says he won’t but that’s hard to believe.
So I text him and tell him I’m having a very bad anxiety/panic attack, to add to that the curtain in our room randomly fell off the wall and scared the fuck out of me.
I was extremely depressed last night and poured my heart out and I still haven’t slept well in 16 hours.
He told me a while ago that his father made his mother feel so insecure, and was so insensitive, she killed her self when he was 5. Â I’m getting pretty close to that with him, though he says he hates who his father was, and we’re not even married yet. (Very lightly using “yet”)
So he calls, and asks if I put something over his stupid fucking HD 3LCD 55in TV (Some people would thing he’s compensating for something else…. No. Not like he uses it more than once every 2 weeks anyway… Not the TV I’m talking about.)
He was afraid of the sun hitting the TV. No, no, not me having a major panic attack while I’m all alone in the god damned house for the next possible 2 hours… But the god damned TV that is the only FUCKING thing he ever talks about anymore. I could be bawling my eyes out in a corner and he’ll just dust it off or talk about his stupid VGA box or HDMI cords…  And then he complains about me being on the computer all the fucking time.
Basically. I could kill myself right now, no one could stop me… But I can’t bring up the courage to do it.
8 comments
what is the method you’d use to end things?
Probably something stupid like drinking windex or simply plunging a kitchen knife into my heart. :/ Haven’t thought about it much. When I get past the point of suicidal i do things to hurt myself I can’t even remember.
Are you sure you’re lacking courage? Maybe there’s something else stopping you (I’m not talking about the last bit of hope that things will magically turn around completely).
End it. Not your life your relationship. Cause you what 17 play girl. The guy got put in prison for not paying a traffic fine. Find someone with swagger. A man who know’s how to love you. And get down and dirty with you.
I agree with Donnie. Find yourself a new man.
I could be wrong with this, probably am but it’s just a theory. Maybe he needs you. You say your constantly on the computer, you ask him to be there for you, but maybe the reason he goes to his things is because he feels those are there for him more than you are. maybe he’s feeling the same way just taking it a little differently. So in my judgement, i think you both need each other, but neither of you are taking the hints.
Again just a theory
I was in a similar relationship last year. All I can say is, if you’ve decided to die, I hope it is on your own terms, and not just to get a reaction out of him