So very tired

  September 1st, 2011 by soullessk

Why are people always saying that suicide is selfish? I have been tired of living since I was 9. I am 32 now, and the only reason I am still alive is because of how many people have told me that they need me to stay.
Aren’t they the ones being selfish? To hold me here with threats, pleas, and guilt? I made a promise to stay, and I regret that promise every single day. But, I will keep my word until and unless my weariness turns into something even worse.
I have no hope, and cannot even remember what it feels like. I hide behind a face that shows little expression, and never tell anyone the truth of my feelings(in person). The only reason I am typing here, is that I am anonymous, and difficult to trace.
Every time I sleep, I think about an almost-prayer I developed a few years ago. It helps a little.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I hope I have no soul to keep
Please let me die, instead of wake
Another day I cannot take

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