The Cutting Addiction

Hey, It’s Shalen again, how’ve ya been? Cool, Nice to know.

Anyways, here goes another one of my unimportant Blogs that hardley anyone reads or cares to. ( Thankyou to all the people who have recently helped me 🙂

Okay, about a week and a half ago, I went to the movies with my Boyfriend (I Love You) and we watched Captain America (Eh, Kinda sucked, but it was still good). He walked me home, and met my mother (Who has become a nice woman) and her boyfriend Dane. Who knows about my addicting ‘problem’. He went through the same thing I did when he was younger. Anyways, They met, talked, had a great time, everybody did. I gave my Beau (I’m from Louisiana,  It means Boyfriend) a kiss and a hug, and let him walk home. I though everything was ganna be okay, So I talked to my mother and her boyfriend.

Then my Brother, Jacob, came home.

He was furious, angry at every sound, why? He’s a bastard. He walks in my mothers room, and starts screaming and yelling at me. Full Force. I’m yelling back,  telling him I’m not going to take his crap anymore. I was tired of him always calling me a Whore, slut, Skank and every thing in the general area. I threw knives, scissors and two chairs at him. He dodged the chairs, and the scissors missed, my a knife went through his leg. It didn’t too much phase him because he was in the Army.

My mom was yelling at the both of us, my adrenaline was pumping, and I walked up, tears pouring from my eyes, hardly seeing my way to my room. I grabbed my knife, which was newly sharpened and re-newed. I took in a deep breathe, and dig it into my skin before sliding it across my wriste. I dug deep enough, where it almost sliced one of my major veins in two, almost. I wasn’t really expecting alot of blood, at all. Then it all came, puring down my arm, and onto my floor. Before, I had never dug so deep, this was the deepest ever. I have recently found out, Blood isn’t dark dark, it’s accually kinda bright, well, on a wood floor anyways. I let it run down my arm for a good 5 minutes, before realising, It wasn’t ganna stop.

I grabbed a towell, and wiped it off, ran it under water, nothing happened. It still kept coming and coming, not stoping. I was more worried if my mom was ganna see than I was worried about dieing. My vision was getting kinda blurry, and my head was throbbing. Did I do it? I had thought to myself, had I accomplished killing myself? I didn’t want to die… I had someone waiting for me in the morning, someone who I needed to see. Someone I loved. And still do.

I stumbled to my mothers rooms, falling though the sliding door. She ran to my aid, Dane noticed the injury before my mother did.

From what they told me, seeing how I had blacked out when I fell, Dane had picked me up and put me in the car, and drove me to the E.R.

I had awoken in a bright ass white room, I sheilded my eyes from the light. And I felt a sting, and a beep….beep…..beep…  The sting was the I.V in my arm, it had come out when I moved my arm.  I looked at my wrist, to only see it being blocked gauge. I sipped on the water that was placed on the bedside table. Then, the nurse came in. I noticed, that her tag had said, Mental Institution Nurse. What?

Why was I in a mental hospital? Guess it was because of last night. I’m pretty sure she can relate, if she can take the time and understand the patients. She slid the I.V back in and said,” Be carefull, these damn things aren’t worth nothing.” I laughed at her comment. She smiled, slightly, and left. My mother soon came in a released me of this hell.

As soon as I had changed into a black sun dress, and my Vans, I walked outside the Hospital, and light up aa ciggarette my Mother had given me, and took a long drag.

I went to school on Monday, seeing how I was in the hospital on Friday. Everyone knew. And I mean EVERYONE. People I didn’t even know, knew.

Then, I seen Cole. He looked at me, and ran twards me, tackling me. I smile on my face appeared. He helped me up, and gave me a big hug.

“Don’t you ever scare me again Baby, when I went to the Hospital, the said you couldn’t have visators because you weren’t breatheing. I spent all week-end crying! And I don’t cry!” He said into my neck, hearing his voice crack. I ran my hands through his shaggy diry blonde hair, and looked him staight in his Hazel eyes.

“I Love You too..” I said Smiling, and we kissed right infront of the teachers.

Yeah, that was the most Cheesiest moment in my ENTIRE life that I have encountered, I Love every bit of it.

My issue, os not for people to be concerned about, it was just for me to let out.

And for my Other ‘Blog’ readers, I’m not sure as to when I will be put on my medication, but It is to happen soon. Hopefully.

XoXo~Shalen